<i>Guys, I'm going through
something kinda hard.
Since Quinn and I broke up,
she's gone back to dancing
at The Lusty Leopard,
and it's just really tough because...
'Cause you have to find
a new strip club?
I have to find a new strip club!
I've been going to The Lusty Leopard
for seven years.
Wow. That's like
49 in perv years.
Sixty-nine. Self-five.
Look...
without my open wallet,
The Lusty Leopard
would be nothing.
Thanks to me, they've
been able to expand
and take over that
soup kitchen next door.
Now I'm a free agent,
and all the strip
clubs are after me.
Mr. Stinson, we might not have
the best strippers
at Moneyballs,
but we use sabermetrics to get
you a stripper with a five body,
sure, and another with
a butter face, but together,
with their tireless grinding,
we guarantee
a high on-pants percentage.
I gotta be
honest with you, Fred,
I can't really see myself
signing with the Golden Oldies.
Well, that's what everyone
says... at first.
But our GILFs have got class.
They've got maturity
and experience,
and the kind of mind-blowing
flexibility
that only comes
from advanced hip dysplasia.
Barney, the Lusty Leopard
would be lost without you.
I think you're really
gonna like a couple of the girls
we just pulled up
from the minors.
Don't leave us!
Wow, you're like the
LeBron James of strip clubs.
Actually, you're probably
tied with LeBron James for that title.
LeBron
isn't all that.
The Cavs are doing
great without him.
Yeah!
Hey, guys, you will never
believe who I ran into
outside of work today.
It wasn't the guy
handing out coupons
in the hot dog
costume, was it?
Baby, there's no reason
to be scared of him.
I'm not scared of him.
It's totally normal to see
a hot dog with a face.
No, it was Brad,
my old law school buddy.
I almost didn't recognize him.
Marshall?
Brad?!
Bro!
Oh, hey!
What a kick-ass day!
I run into you,
some sucker throws away
most of a perfectly good
hot dog...
...kick-ass day!
You still doing corporate law?
I got downsized two years ago.
It's been rough.
Going through
a little bit of a depresh.
But just today, boom!
Huge job prospect.
Here's your application.
Just tell them I sent you.
I bet you could fit in
the bratwurst.
Bratwurst with a face.
What'd I tell you?
Looks like I'm about
to be on a roll.
Sounds like that guy
could use some help.
I know!
That's why I said...
You know, I'm at
Honeywell & Cootes,
and they're looking
to hire an associate.
I could totally recommend you.
Leave the
wounded behind!
<font color=#00FF00>♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x07 ♪</font>
<font color=#00FFFF>The Stamp Tramp</font>
Original Air Date on November 19, 2012
== sync, corrected by <font color="#00ff00">elderman</font> ==
'Cause Brad is
an old friend who needs a job.
Why shouldn't I give him
the old Marshall Eriksen
Stamp of Approval?
Marshall,
you're a stamp tramp.
How dare you!
And what is that?!
You give your stamp of
approval to everything.
It's become meaningless.
It's like when my
mom likes a movie.
It just means Richard
Dreyfuss is in it.
Marshall, you love
everything and everyone.
It's-It's what I love
about you,
but it's also why
your stamps are total crap.
Give me one example.
How about when
you turned your boss
into a fountain
of bodily fluids?
You guys like it?
I'll be waiting for you in hell,
Eriksen.
In my defense, that restaurant's
health rating had just gone
from an "F" to a "D,"
and I wanted to reward that.
Marshall, you're
already on thin ice
with that horrible
Honeywell guy.
Don't risk screwing
things up more right before
your biggest case ever.
Okay, Honeywell is not horrible,
he just has a bad temper
sometimes.
And he holds a grudge.
He's kind of defensive
about his height.
And he's cheap.
And he made
those secretaries cry.
But, deep down,
he is a great guy.
Heck, he gets my stamp, too.
Stamp tramp.
Well, maybe
this isn't the moment
to stick
your neck out for Brad.
Well, that's not how
I was raised.
Back in St. Cloud,
we believe in people,
people like Gudren Olsen, the
town wino who became our mayor.
They even wound up naming
a bridge after him.
The one he drove off.
Marshall, why can't you be
more like your wife?
Lily's stamp is gold.
I'm reading this book
because of her.
I'm drinking this beer
because she recommended it.
I'm even wearing
this bra because
of a lingerie store
Lily told me about.
Uh, if anyone's got
the golden stamp,
it's old Teddy
Westside over here.
Please. You're a
piggyback stamper.
How dare you!
And what is that?!
Allow us to demonstrate.
Lily?
Hey, guys, I just found
a great new sushi restaurant.
It's called Katsu...
...yoku.
Katsuyoku.
My idea. I'm Ted.
Nailed it.
Totally.
Okay, Ted, name one cool
thing you've given
your stamp to first...
Dr. Berkowitz.
...that isn't an ear,
nose and throat doctor.
Man, these strip clubs
want me so bad.
They're sending me T-shirts,
beer cozies.
Sticky's even sent me
a boob-shaped
hand-sanitizer dispenser.
It's clean and dirty
at the same time.
That's it?
T-shirts and beer cozies?
That's disrespect, son!
Here's what you do:
hit a few strip clubs
in Jersey and Long Island.
Jersey? Long Island?
Why would I go to
a Third World nation
to get my knob wobbled?
Well, you wouldn't.
But when the clubs in
the city hear
you're sniffing around
across the river,
those beer cozies
and T-shirts turn
into Rolexes and fur coats.
Especially from that
strip club, Fur Coats.
Wow. That's genius.
You're hired.
What do you mean?
I want you to be
my strip club agent.
What is wrong with you?
Well, I just figured I'd ask--
No, I was talking to myself,
because, for some reason,
I really want to do that!
Oh! Oh!
What am I wearing?
Just proof of a stamp
I know I gave first,
from a little band called...
Dishwalla.
Who?
Dishwalla! Come on!
They had that whole,
"Tell Me All Your Thoughts
on God" song.
Oh...
Look, I'm not saying
they're my favorite band,
but for a little while
in college,
we were all into that song,
and it was all thanks to me.
But I turned you on
to Dishwalla.
No way! I played them on
my radio show.
I mean, pirate DJ Dr. X
played them on
his beloved radio show.
We all know
you were Dr. X, Ted!
And I'm the one
who got us into that song.
No! No!
On his beloved radio show,
Dr. X pointed out
that the chorus went,
"Tell me all
your thoughts on God"
♪ 'Cause I really want
to meet her. ♪
Her. God's a woman.
And it blew the minds
of everyone listening
to Dr. X that night.
Which was pretty much everyone
on campus... including me.
I'm not Dr. X.
Oh, so you're saying
credit for the stamp goes
to Dr. X then, not you.
Okay... I'm gonna tell you guys
something right now.
Take a sip.
Follow my lead.
I'm Dr. X.
No!
I hope this
works out, bro.
I couldn't even get my leg
in that bratwurst outfit.
Don't be nervous.
Honeywell is gonna love you.
Sweet! Freebie
muff-tops!
Can I pour you
a pocket of coffee?
I didn't say
you were fat.
I said that dress makes
you look fat! Idiot!
Hey! You must be Brad!
I'm excited to meet the man
Eriksen's been talking up
all week.
Mr. Honeywell, I have to say,
your environmental
work is amazing.
Come on, it's not like
I'm saving the world.
Oh, wait, yes, I am!
Great.
Marshall tells me you have
the big Gruber Pharmaceutical
trial coming up.
I'd love to give you my
thoughts on the case,
but I can't take full credit.
Most of these are
from my psychic.
My psychic always
pushes for a settlement.
But my numerologist says
roll the dice with the jury.
I'm waiting for my
astrologist to weigh in,
but he can be
kind of flaky.
You know, Cancer.
Should know more after
he's back from chemo.
Good luck, bro!
You know the best part about you
challenging me on Dishwalla?
Didn't challenge you, don't care.
It made me
dig up my old video diaries
from freshman year.
And somewhere in here
there's gonna be proof
that I am not a
piggyback stamper.
I have my own
original ideas.
Didn't you only do
the video diaries
because of Winona Ryder
in Reality Bites?
No.
I don't know what
you're talk-- shut up.
Let's just watch.
How do you even know there's
gonna be mention
of Dishwalla on those tapes?
I don't.
And it may take me days
to go through them all,
but that is how committed
I am to the truth.
Hey, you guys should check out
that song by the band Dishwalla.
Really?
I've never heard of them.
Damn it!
So?
Bottom line, Vito:
a lot of
strip clubs are into my client.
If you want the Melon Patch
to be in the mix,
we're gonna need bigger melons
and smaller patches.
Otherwise, your establishment
is not where
Barney Stinson
is gonna pitch his tent.
B-Dawg, Barn Door,
Stinson-natti, Bro-hio!
Talk to me.
How's it hangin'?
You are killing it
at this agent thing!
I just got a big box
at Yankee Stadium
from the ladies at The Big Box.
Mm-hmm.
One question: Golden Oldies
just sent me a fax machine
and a Charo calendar.
Mm-hmm.
Aren't they out of the running?
Yeah, but those old bitches
don't need to know that.
Yeah, I just feel kind of bad.
They just spent eight grand
on that wheelchair ramp
up to the stage.
Hey, Larry, how's everything
at the Beaver Dam?
I don't even know
that strip club.
Oh, it's not a club.
My cousin Larry is
a forest ranger in Squamish.
Oh, yeah?
Then I was fired from
Bed Bath & Beyond
for telling
inappropriate jokes.
I mean...
get a sense of
humor, LaShonda.
You know how "they" are.
"They" meaning Bed Bath
& Beyond employees, right?
Hmm?
No. Women.
That still could have
been worse.
Thank God I ran
into Marshall.
This guy's supportive
as balls.
And here I am.
Yes, we both owe Marshall
a debt of gratitude
for getting you
this interview.
Eriksen...
can I see you outside?
Sure.
Good. Try to stay
out there a few minutes.
I just cut one, and I can
tell it's gonna be a slow burn.
What is Generation X?
What does the X in
"Generation X" stand for?
What do we stand for?
Why aren't people on campus
talking about this?
Maybe you should do
a radio show
and call yourself Dr. X.
I just had an amazing idea.
Just turn it off!
I can't look away.
Oh, God, no.
Oh, God, I'm putting on a beret.
You were there.
Why didn't you tell me
that looked stupid?
Ted, that beret looks stupid.
I agree to disagree.
Marshall, that man is the human
equivalent of what came out
of my body after eating
that soup you recommended!
This guy's your friend?
Really more of an
acquaintance than a friend.
No backpedaling.
You're Marshall Eriksen.
You believe in people.
You know what Brad
hasn't told you?
He was third in our
class at Columbia.
That is impressive.
And I suppose he did warn us
about the fart.
He's a great guy.
Please... give him
just one more chance.
Two more minutes.
I'm proud of you.
I'm proud of you for
being proud of me.
You went undergrad
to Holy Cross?
That's my alma mater.
I went there on a basketball
scholarship.
No way. I played center.
Uh-oh.
Why is that so shocking?
'Cause you're, like,
an itty-bitty fella.
Hey, uh, fish, huh?
Fish are crazy, right?
You guys ever think
about fish?
I am six-foot one, sir.
Bro, I'm at least
a foot taller than you.
Well, then I guess that makes
you a freakish seven-foot one.
What do you call fish
with no eyes?
"Fsh."
I am six-feet and one inch,
and I'll prove it.
Eriksen.
How tall are you?
Seven feet.
So, we've got
a deal somewhere?
We sure do.
You are the new face of--
and exclusive customer to...
Golden Oldies!
What?!
I thought we ruled them out!
I don't remember that!
Now let's go. It is 4:00,
and their dinner show starts
in ten minutes.
Wait a minute.
Oh...
Is that a Rolex?
Huh. What do you know?
How did that get there?
Anyway, uh, so
initial here and...
Where'd you get
the bling, Robin?
Uh...
They bribed you.
They bribed you!
Why else would you pick a place
where the strippers say
they're trying to put their
grandkids through college?!
Please leave!
Barney, I can explain, okay?
Please...
leave.
Say it, you giant beast!
Say I'm six-one!
Maybe if you stood on top
of that pot of gold
you have at the end
of your rainbow.
You know something?!
You're nothing but a...
a tree man!
I never want to
see you again, tree man!
Fine.
I have to go to the
little boys' room.
Not your office.
I need to take a dump.
If that's the type of guy
you vouch for,
I can't trust your judgment.
You're off the Gruber
Pharmaceutical case.
No...
Oh, good, we're up to the
time I got my ear pierced.
Do it, do it, do it, do it.
Don't do it! Don't do it!
Don't, don't.
Okay, do it now.
Do, do, do it, do it.
Don't, don't do it!
Don't do it! Don't do it!
Don't! Yes, you can do this.
You can...
That goes on for 45 minutes.
Hey... how was work, baby?
Remember how
I always wanted to know
what it was like to be a ghost?
Well, I don't want that anymore.
Okay, suppose we lead
with the carbon testing
of the residue water.
How do we keep
the jury engaged? Anyone?
You could bring up
the survey from
Dr. Pasquesi's testimony.
Anyone?
Anyone who isn't dead to me?
Then you have to earn
Honeywell's trust back.
Just start small.
Put your stamp on little things
that have nothing
to do with work.
Like a funny video.
I, uh, I may have something.
Don't think, Mosby! Do it now!
Oh, my God, I'm doing it!
Wow, he's a real bleeder!
And then you build to something
else small, like a tasty snack.
Don't sleep on the popcorn.
Try mixing the caramel
and the cheese.
It shouldn't work,
but... it... does.
There's no way caramel
and cheese... That's good!
That is good. Oh!
And when Honeywell starts
trusting your stamp again,
he'll seek out
your opinion on things.
Be honest, Eriksen.
Is this deep-V working?
And that's when
you lie your ass off.
Sir...
I think you could
go even deeper.
And before you know it...
Eriksen, get in here.
...you're back on the case.
Ted, why are you
torturing yourself?
None of us were
our best in college.
Oh, my God, I love
my hair there!
I always thought I was this kid
from suburban Ohio
who had this innate sense
of judgment and taste
and just showed up to college
and wowed everyone.
Now I have concrete proof
that I wasn't.
I was a total gomer.
Maybe I still am.
Wait-- that's
the giant suit
Marshall wore on
our third date.
So...
Marshall Eriksen,
you just came back from
your third date with Lily.
How was it?
Great, yeah.
I just... I think I'm falling
for this girl pretty hard.
But is everything
happening too fast?
I mean, maybe I should
see other people.
Whoa, dude, no!
Lily Aldrin is special.
You hold on to that girl.
She is.
I'm only 18 and...
Marshall, you being 18
isn't a bad thing.
It just means you get to spend
even more of your life with her.
I mean, I'm probably
not gonna meet my wife
until I'm, like, 23.
You're right.
What am I thinking?
I'm in love
with this girl.
Ted, oh, my God.
You gave me
the ultimate stamp.
And in my whole life,
this life...
it all goes back to that moment.
I mean, maybe take
a month off, bang a couple chicks.
Lily's not going anywhere.
Hey, Barney.
Hey.
Um, look, I'm sorry about the
whole skimming-off-the-top-
of-the-strip-club-swag thing.
Hey, it happens to everybody.
Really? Because even
as I said those words,
they did not feel
like a real thing.
Hey, look, wherever you end up,
can I have the dubious honor
of buying you
your first lap dance?
It's a date.
Ladies and gentlemen,
it's time for "The Decision."
Yeah.
Ladies, my bro-dium?
Yeah.
Look at this!
Man, this whole
free agent experience,
it's been an unbelievable
experience,
a real humbling experience.
First of all, The Lusty Leopard
is where I developed my game.
Oh...
I have nothing
but the utmost respect for you skanks.
He's just gonna stay
at The Lusty Leopard.
They have loyalty
and heart.
I bet you
he rewards that.
LeBron moved on, Ted.
So should you.
But Barney Stinson has
to do what's right
for Barney Stinson's penis.
In this fall... This is tough.
Um... in this fall I'm going
to take my talents
to Mouth Beach.
The next day, Uncle Marshall
went to court
for the biggest case
of his life.
Hey, Marshall!
Bilbo!
Brad? What are you...?
Did you just get hired
by Gruber Pharmaceutical's
legal team?
Oh, not just.
I've been working
for them for two years.
I heard about the job opening
at Honeywell & Cootes
and knew that if I hung out
in front of your office
and pretended to be down on
my luck, you'd take pity on me,
get me an interview...
Try to stay out there
a few minutes.
I just cut one, and I can tell
it's gonna be a slow burn.
...and buy some alone time
in the conference room.
I got your firm's strategy
for the case.
Muchas gracias, bro-migo.
He's really more of an
acquaintance than a bro-migo.
Win this case
or you're fired, Eriksen.
And so began the trial that
would change the course
of Marshall's career.
But we'll get to that.
Oh, you see?! This is what
I miss about being single:
cutting loose
at a strip club,
drinkin' some beers,
seein' some boobs,
getting thrown out
for being "too handsy."
You were a little
out of control tonight.
You know,
I really thought
that that bouncer was
bluffing with the Taser.
Man, everything's gonna taste
like pennies for a week.
I had a fun time
tonight, though.
Me, too.
I always have fun with you.
Whoa, whoa.
I-I've got to... um...
We can't, we can't
do this.
This, this can't happen.
Uh, I've got to go.
What...?
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