How I Met Your Mother - S08E11 - The Final Page: Part one

<i>Can I get you guys
anything to drink?
Scotch, neat.
Jinx.
Oh, my...
God.
Kids, you may be wondering
why five adults
in their 30s would take
a jinx so seriously.
It all started one day
five years ago.
Ooh, Van Helsing.
Ooh, Van Helsing.
Jinx. You're jinxed.
That means that you
can't speak until someone
who was present for the
jinx says your name,
or else you will have very bad luck.
That's ridiculous.
You broke the jinx.

Marshall, I'm a grown-ass man.
I'm on my building's
co-op board.
When I say a Pinot Noir tastes
luxuriously earthy
with a hint of rhubarb,
I'm not faking it.
I've had several
of the same sexual partners
as Henry Kissinger.
I'm not about to stop talking
just because I was jinxed.
Barney broke three
limbs and two vertebrae,
but he never broke
another jinx.
In fact, he started taking
jinxes way too seriously.
Barney, I'm on hold
with Sports Talk AM
to talk to my childhood hero
from the Minnesota Twins.
Who's your childhood hero?
Frank Viola. Frank Viola--
jinx!
Hello, this is Frank.
Anyone there?
Hello?
I can hear you breathing,
you coward.
So, when someone
finally jinxed Barney
for the first time in years,
we were pretty psyched.
The reign of terror is over!
I've had this cigar
in my pocket for two years,
waiting for this moment.
Aw, that would've been good
about two years ago.
Cheers.
Huzzah!
Huzzah.
Oh, oh, oh, you want us
to say your name
and un-jinx you?
I don't think so, pal.
This is gonna be a long jinx.
Like Yom Kippur services long.
The only difference is,
Yom Kippur's a fast
and this one's gonna be a slow.
- Oh!
- Now, Ted,
I was wondering if you could
expand upon what you were saying
earlier about
antiquated currency.
Ah, yes, yes.
Contrary to popular belief,
the buffalo nickel was modeled
on the Black Diamond bison
rather than the more iconic
Western Plains bison.
To wit, if President Taft
had had his way,
we'd all be talking
about the egret nickel.
<font color=#00FF00>♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x11-12 ♪</font>
<font color=#00FFFF>The Final Page, Part One</font>
Original Air Date on December 17, 2012
== sync, corrected by <font color="#00FF00">elderman</font> ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
In the winter of 2012
the skyscraper
that I designed was
about to open,
which got me thinking
about the most influential
architecture professor
I ever had.
So when the children
of our grandchildren's children
ask us "Who were we,"
they'll find the answer carved
into the granite poetry
of our architecture.
Okay.
It doesn't get any
better than that.
Class dismissed.
Wow, just wow.
Do you need something?
I have an apple I was hoping
to eat in silence.
Of course,
Professor Vinick, I, um,
I-I sketched out a design,
and it'd be such an honor
if you took a look at it.
Oh, well.
It is believed
that it took the pharaohs
over 100 years
to build the Sphinx.
So...
you think...
I should spend more time on it?
Oh, dear God, no.
This is terrible.
Then, why'd you mention
the Sphinx?
I find my mind is
often with the Sphinx.
Anyway, you'll never
be an architect.
You'll never be an architect.
You'll never be an architect.
You'll never be an architect!
Well, guess what.
I sent Professor Vinick
the invitation
to the opening of my building,
so he'll see that
I did become an architect,
and that I've moved past
his petty, hurtful words.
Wow. 15 years late
and you're still this obsessed.
Yeah, if Vinick ever
goes missing,
the cops are gonna come looking
for him in your basement.
Totally, he's Ted's pit guy.
How dare you?
And what is that?
A pit guy is someone
you've been obsessed with
for so long...
that it's driven you
crazy enough
to throw them
in a pit in your basement
like in The Silence
of the Lambs.
I'm not gonna Silence
of the Lambs him.
At most,
I'd Revenge of the Nerds him.
Though I don't see
a scenario where he agrees
to play me in a pentathlon.
Yeah, I'm with Ted-- there
is no one I hate enough
to throw into a pit.
What?
When Robin's most hated
coworker Patrice
started dating Barney,
she became obsessed.
Patrice, Patrice goes
in your pit.
Guys, I told you, I am done
obsessing about Patrice.
Just drop her.
- Drop her in a pit.
- Enough.
We all have people that
we would throw in our pits,
and I'm sure we all have people
who would like to throw us
in their pits.
Yeah, if Marshall
or I ever go missing,
I'll tell you whose
basement to look in.
Daryl LaCourte.
Oh, no. It's creepy Daryl.
Let's get out of here
before he sees us.
Hey, hot sack coming through.
Ha... ha...
- Hi, Daryl. - Hey, Daryl.
- Hey!
I feel like I never see
you guys anymore.
Like whenever I'm getting
to a party, you're just leaving.
Even that party
at your place--
you guys just raced off
into the night at 7:30.
That's weird.
But this is great--
the three hackmigos
back together again.
We played Hacky Sack together
once freshman year, Daryl.
Once.
November 14, 1996.
That is the best memory ever.
Sure.
The three hackmigos for life.
To this day, we are
still getting e-mails
and posts from Daryl.
He has commented on every photo
of Baby Marvin
we have ever posted,
and then
he comments on his own comments.
Hey, guys, look, it's Bar...
none, my favorite non-speaking
jinxed person in the world.
How was your day?
Yeah, I didn't get
a word of that.
Sorry, buddy.
Ah, Scherbatsky, it's
my favorite time of year.
Didn't know
you liked Christmas so much.
No, year-end reviews.
We get to fire some people.
Get into the spirit.
Look, Sandy, you might
enjoy firing people
for petty personal differences.
I'd hardly call giving
me gonorrhea
a petty personal difference.
- But I am a professional,
and I would never fire someone
for unprofessional reasons.
Well, somebody's got to go.
Kids, the thing
about pit people,
sometimes you don't
even know you have one
until you have
a chance to push 'em in.
Hi, Robin.
Not happening, bro.
Not happening, bro.
Hand get tired?
Not happening, bro.
I hold in my hand
the RSVP from Professor Vinick.
Uh-huh.
Ah, he's checked
"Will not attend,"
which is fine,
because all I needed
to know was that he knows.
So now I will throw this in
the trash and never look at it.
What's this?
"I believe you've sent this
to the wrong person.
I have no idea
who Ted Mosby is."
- Uh-oh.
- Uh-oh.
Oh, you'll remember who I am,
Professor Vinick.
You'll never forget it.
Not happening, bro.
Ted, just because we're coming
with you to Wesleyan
does not mean that we condone
your behavior.
Just using it as an excuse
to see the old campus...
and maybe watch you have
a complete mental breakdown.
What are you even gonna do
when you see Professor Vinick?
Oh, I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do.
Sweet merciful Franks Gehry
and Lloyd Wright,
from what brilliant mind was
this work of art sired?
Mosby.
Ted Mosby.
Architect.
But that's-that's...
Impossible?
Looks like
you were wrong, Vinick.
Dead wrong.
No!
Be careful, Ted.
Revenge fantasies never
work out the way you want.
Especially dance-
based revenge.
My prom was rough, guys.
Ooh!
We're almost there.
Oh, I can't wait
to see the old campus.
I'm gonna grab one of those
giant dining hall hot dogs.
Oh, I love those huge wieners.
I'm not so sure you heard me.
I said, "I love
those huge wieners."
I love them.
In my mouth.
So, let me ask you a few
questions, Clarice... Patrice.
How would you rate
your performance
in the last six months?
Well, I don't like
to talk about myself,
but all my coworkers deserve
an A-double-plus,
that's for suresies.
Ooh, fancy lotion.
It puts the lotion
in the basket.
It's just, this is
really nice lotion.
And what a pretty basket, Robin.
I know, that's why
I bought it, Patrice!
Man, it's like nothing has changed.
Mmm, I know.
The bun, the relish.
That's a knee.
It's a beautifully
drawn knee, so?
That's a barn.
Oh, knee barn, right.
That's a great idea, Lily.
On the way home, we should stop
at the knee barn,
pick us up some wholesale knees.
- Yeah.
Marshall? Lily!
You... you're here.
- Hi, Daryl.
- Hi, Daryl.
Hi.
Wow, after all these years.
You look just like you do
in my paintings.
Come here, guys.
There are men
and there are gods.
Antoni Gaudí was both.
There are jerk faces
and there are buttholes.
Professor Vinick was both.
Good one, Ted.
Come on, Vinick,
give me an opening.
Gaudí's architecture
gave expression
to the anarchic geometric form
of nature.
"Gaudí's architecture..."
Actually, that's
a really good point.
♪ Wow, Professor Vinick
♪ Man, you taught me so much
♪ About architecture and life
♪ God, your lectures
are so cool ♪
♪ I'll earn your respect
and we'll be best friends. ♪
Okay, it doesn't get
any better than that.
No, it doesn't.
What are you doing here, Daryl?
Well, I live
right down the street.
But I work right here.
- Whoa.
- Oh, boy.
Are those...
...our,
our faces up there, buddy?
Hack, yeah!
It was just as much
your idea as mine
to open up a Hacky Sack store
here at Wesleyan.
So you never left?
Once. I met a girl
on Craigslist,
and I flew to Boston
to meet her.
She was a man, 300 pounds,
and robbed me.
Still, the best
night of my life.
Until now!
The three hackmigos
back together again!
You know, I've been waiting
forever to give you something.
You're coming with me
to my house,
and I'm not taking no
for an answer.
Dude, this is your chance.
Set me free,
and I will lie you out
of this creepynightmare.
This is a tough one.
On the one hand, we might die.
On the other, you're jinxed.
Let me free, Marshall.
This guy could be violent.
Violent... Viola...
Frank Viola.
We would love to come
to your house, Daryl!
Yeah!
Okay, um...
how often are you
and Barney doing it?
That's a strange question,
Robin.
You're right.
Maybe I should leave.
Yeah, maybe you should.
You're fired.
Wow. Just wow.
Ted Mosby.
I'm a former student of yours.
You know, I actually became
an architect.
Any chance you remember me?
Oh, please excuse me, I've been
teaching for over 20 years.
All the faces start
to blend together
unless you have a, a weird
mustache or, or something.
Junior year I tried
to grow muttonchops,
but people kept saying
my face made them nauseous.
Well, not people. You.
Anay, I would be honored
if you,
if you took a look
at my building.
This...
is hideous.
You'll never be an architect.
You'll never be an architect.
You'll never be an architect.
You'll never be an architect!
You'll never be an architect.
Wait. I was mistaken.
You most definitely
will be an architect.
Really?
These are astonishing,
Handlebar Pete.
So, when you said
"surprise in your house,"
what you really meant was
"surprise in the poorly lit
windowless basement
of your house."
Oh, you guys are gonna love
what I have to show you.
I am so excited, I could just
cry and laugh and scream
and just punch the wall
over and over and over
and over and over!
Could we just see it,
like, up in the living room
or anywhere less...
gimp-storagey?
I just realized
I want to take
a picture of this.
I want to put your faces
on my mantel like a trophy.
Like a trophy!
- Aah...!
- Aah...!
Here I come.
And I've got your surprise
right here!
No! We don't want
your surprise, Daryl!
We're not your amigos,
we're definitely
not your hackmigos.
And before you murder us,
you should know
that we have a child!
He probably has eight or nine!
What? Murder?
I wanted to give you a check.
For $100,000...
for coming up with the idea
of the Three Hackmigos with me.
I brought you down here
to show you all my inventory.
Business has really exploded.
I mean, I'm sort
of the Mark Zuckerberg
of jam-band concert
parking lot athletics.
Well, second.
But I'm coming for you,
Devil Stick Ron.
Why would you fire me?
Because nobody should be
as happy as you are.
And also your cookies...
they're only pretty good.
Robin, is this really about me?
No, it's not.
The old "fire and bang."
Respect, Scherbatsky.
Hey, Ted, I see you're holding
a little version of your building
So I assume it all worked out?
I realized, since I work
in a three-dimensional medium,
the only way to really stick it
to Vinick would be
with a three-dimensional model.
Whatever you do,
don't march in there
thinking, "I'm
gonna do the worm.
That'll show 'em!"
Seriously, guys,
I can't stress enough
how bad my prom was.
Speaking of the past...
- Wow, we feel like idiots.
- We're sorry.
You know, honestly, it's fine.
Look how great I'm doing.
Look at what I've built.
I don't need
the validation
of some people from college
to feel good about myself.
My life is amazing!
I own a timeshare in
St. Barts with P-Funk!
The, the whole band?
Yeah.
Do you guys jam?
That's all we do.
So, you completely rejected
the guy who's been obsessing
about you for 16 years,
and he was okay with it?
Whoa.
Is creepy Daryl more emotionally
adjusted than I am?
Kids, sometimes in life
you'll make a pit
for someone in your mind.
But ultimately the only person
in that pit is yourself.
I'm sorry.
Just seeing you with Barney
has brought up
some old feelings, and I...
I really don't like feelings.
But that's not your fault
or Barney's fault.
It's just really hard
seeing you with him.
♪ There's been a book
on the side of the bed... ♪
Which means there's
only one person
who can let you out of the pit.
♪ Many years from now
♪ I know you'll hear me
somehow... ♪
So you fired Patrice?
No, she's staying.
♪ The places we will go...
Let's get out of here, guys.
Oh, Mr. Mosby.
You built a model
of your building.
No.
Why? To prove
some sort of point?
This is just sad.
No, no,
I was just throwing it out.
Sure, you were.
No!
No, I-I-I had a
transcendent moment
where I found emotional clarity!
And I realize shouting that
makes it seem like
it's not true, but I did!
Yeah, we're gonna grab
some snacks.
You guys want anything?
Spicy beef jerky.
Got you loud and clear.
Oh, my God!
Barney!
You unjinxed me!
I'm free! If the bison
on the nickel could hear you
talk about them,
they would diminish their
population even further on purpose.
If Lily wants a big wiener in
her mouth, she's got my number.
And I'm sorry that you took the
rap for all the farting on
the car ride up here.
That was me!
The ring!
What's, what's, what's the ring?
Right, the ring. I'm gonna ask
Patrice to marry me.
Are you serious?
Jinx! Good!
I need to say some things
without you interrupting.
Yes, I am serious.
I know that if you could talk,
you'd say that I'm crazy
or that I'm overcorrecting
or that I'm moving too fast.
But you would be wrong.
Look, I have banged my way
through every bimbo
in the tristate area,
and it left me
feeling nothing but, but broken.
But now, with Patrice,
for the first time in my life,
I feel settled and happy.
I want to feel this way forever.
So tomorrow night on the roof
of the World Wide News building--
that's Patrice's favorite spot--
I'm gonna ask her to marry me.
Ah, poot-tu-tat!
You're jinxed.
I'll unjinx you if you'll follow
these two rules:
one; you can't try to talk me
out of it,
and two; you can't tell anybody.
Agreed?
It's a jinx swear,
so if you break it,
I get to hit you in the nuts
three times
with a Wiffle ball bat.
Thank you... Ted.
Hey...
Hi, guys!
No. But you're jinxed!
I tricked Ted
into saying my name.
Aw, come on, Ted!
Jinx! Jinx!
Ha-ha!
The reign of terror is back!
Hey, if you guys don't want me
to smoke
or fart in here, just speak up.
Nothing? Great.
Thanks for the spicy
beef jerky, dude.
Anyway, I think we could
all use a little quiet.
Unless you have something
you want to talk about, Ted?
No.
Not happening, bro.