In November 2009,
<i>Uncle Marshall
and Aunt Lily hosted
<i>the first Thanksgiving
at their very own apartment.
<i>And Marshall had found
the perfect turkey.
Oh, baby, it is beautiful.
It's 22 pounds.
It's organic.
You remember my bald
Uncle Heinrek?
It looks exactly like his head.
Oh, my God.
My turkey...
My turkey!
<i>So, when we showed up
for the big day,
<i>Marshall was pretty bummed out.
Well, we got the turkey.
MARSHALL: No.
You didn't. You got the pathetic
replacement turkey.
Damn it, you know,
why didn't I just listen
to the prerecorded voice
of former Mayor Ed Koch
reminding me
to take my belongings?
No, Marshall,
you don't understand.
Robin and I went to the Port
Authority Lost and Found,
and there,
sitting in their fridge...
ROBIN: Marshall Eriksen...
is this your turkey?
Yes!
That's my turkey!
Oh, come here,
you handsome little bastard!
Okay, I'm going to go put this in the oven.
Okay.
Oh, my God! You guys are
the best friends ever!
It was totally
a team effort.
I'm so ha...
Guys, I don't know
what to say.
I mean, it's Thanksgiving,
but "thanks"
just doesn't seem like enough.
Come on, buddy, you would've
done the same thing for us.
Yeah, I would, and you know why?
Because I love you guys.
And I'm gonna show you
just how much.
Ted Mosby,
Robin Scherbatsky,
I bequeath unto you
the fourth slap.
(both gasp)
Wait, what?
<i>Kids, you remember
<i>Barney and Marshall'
"Slap Bet."
<i>When Barney lost, Marshall won
the right to slap Barney
<i>five times as hard as he could.
<i>So far, he'd used three
of those five slaps.
(Barney grunts)
<i>With the third
being doled out exactly
<i>two years earlier
on Thanksgiving Day 2007.
<i>A day that history came to know
<i>as "Slapsgiving."
Are you saying...
...what we think
you're saying?
Probably not.
Unless you think I'm saying
"Slapsgiving Two:
Revenge Of The Slap,"
in which case, yes, that's
exactly what I'm saying!
(Ted and Robin cheer)
No way! Uh-uh.
Slaps aren't transferable.
Lily is the Slap Bet
Commissioner. Lil?
Slaps are transferable.
No!
Transferable!
Wait, Marshall,
you realize you'll only have
one left after this.
Are you sure you want
to spend this slap today?
Life is short.
I figured, Slap-e Diem.
Okay, rule number one: the slap
must occur before sundown,
so as not to interfere
with Lily's meal.
Damn straight.
Two, you guys have to decide
amongst yourselves
who gets to do it.
Three...
we're going to tie
Barney to this
chair, which shall
henceforth be referred to as
The Slapping Throne. Sound fair?
Totally.
ROBIN: Amazing.
Absolutely not!
<i>It was all set to be the best
Thanksgiving ever.
<i>Until...
(doorbell rings)
Are we expecting somebody else?
<i>It was someone Lily hadn't
seen or spoken to
<i>in three years.
Dad.
<font color="#ffff00">Sync by honeybunny</font>
<font color="#ffff00">www.addic7ed.com</font>
<i>Now, Lily and her dad, Mickey,
<i>had always had
a tough relationship.
<i>Mickey's dream was to invent
<i>the next great
American board game.
<i>But his ideas
were always a little off.
Daddy?
Yeah?
You missed
my ballet recital.
Yes, sweetie, but, look!
I just put the finishing touches
on my new, hit board game,
"Tijuana Slumlord."
Daddy?
Uh-huh?
You missed my gymnastics meet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
<i>But this is the one!
"Car Battery:
How Long Can You Hold On?"
(chuckling)
Here, Princess.
Grab these.
Daddy?
Mm-hmm.
I had a nightmare.
Aw, sweetie.
Here, come play
Daddy's new game:
"There's A Clown Demon
Under The Bed!"
(screaming)
<i>Her whole life, Mickey
disappointed Lily.
<i>And she always put up with it,
until one day in 2006
<i>when Lily went to visit her
grandparents.
So, Rita, are you
excited about the, uh,
the big move to Florida?
Actually, dear,
slight change of plans.
We're staying here
for the time being.
We had a slight
financial hiccup.
MICKEY:
Ma!
The straw to my juice box broke!
Ma, chop, chop!
Oh, hey, guys.
What a pleasant surprise.
Dad, what happened
to your apartment?
Oh, well, I had a little
falling out with my roommate.
What happened?
He wanted me to pay rent.
Got kind of ugly.
Dad!
You should be paying rent,
not living
in your parents' basement.
Hey, it's not my first choice.
Having the old farts
right upstairs
is crimpin' my style a bit.
Clearly, they're not
getting the whole
"sock on the doorknob" thing.
Oh, they caught you with a girl?
In a way.
Bye, sweetheart.
I'm off to work.
Work? You're retired.
Now that I have
extra mouth to feed,
I had to go back
to the steel mill.
Rita?
Where's my truss?
So, not only did you stop them
From moving to Florida,
but now you forced Grandpa
to go back to work?
Just until I get Aldrin games Unlimted
off the ground
with my new sensation:
"Dog Fight Promoter."
<i>And then Lily gave her dad
a look that Marshall
<i>had only seen
a few times before.
<i>A look we all prayed never
to be on the receiving end of:
<i>her "You're Dead To Me" look.
<i>Which brings us back
to Thanksgiving of 2009.
Hey, Princess.
I brought "Diseases!"
What is he doing here?
I don't know,
but maybe we should,
uh, let him in and find out.
No, I don't want to see him!
Get rid of him!
Hey, Mickey.
Just hang tight, okay?
We'll, weÂ’ll work this out.
Take your time, amigo.
I'm okays long
as I have "Diseases!"
The fun's infectious.
(both laughing)
God, I hope Lily's okay.
Me, too.
She doesn't talk about it much,
but this thing with her dad
causes her a lot of pain.
Just tell me which one of you's
gonna slap me!
What?
I'm dying over here!
Ted reaches for a chip,
I flinch!
Robin fixes her hair, I flinch!
I'm doing so much flinching.
It's bad for my skin.
I'm getting crow's feet.
Crow's feet!
Lily, come on.
It's been
three years, okay?
That's long enough.
Having him in my life causes me
nothing but stress.
It's just easier for him to be dead to me.
Okay, Lily, look.
I supported you when
our neighbor, Mr. Sias,
was "dead to you."
Hey!
That's our newspaper.
You'll get it back
in 15 minutes.
Make it 20.
I had a steak last night.
And I was fine when your
bridesmaid, Whitney,
was "dead to you."
Oh, Lily!
You look so amazing!
That dress is gorgeous!
Oh, thanks, guys.
Mm, I... I'm just
not a fan of strapless.
I even understood when
Mr. Park from the bodega
downstairs was "dead to you."
One coffee, please.
Oh, but only if you have decaf.
I don't want to be up all night.
Dollar fifty.
Coffee, regular.
Dollar fifty.
Excuse me.
Are you sure mine was decaf?
You just used the same pot.
Oh, I lie to him. Okay?
Oh, okay.
You son of a bitch.
That was not decaf!
(glass breaking)
I supported you
with all of those random people,
but this is your father.
Okay, can't we at least just
give him some turkey?
No.
Come on, Lily.
Please, I can't ask the guy
to leave on Thanksgiving.
Oh, you don't have to ask.
Just tell him that it's really
important that he be here.
And before you know it, he'll be
at a board game convention
in Toledo, giving your braces
money to some guy
claiming to be Milton Bradley.
He was just out trying
to provide for the family.
No. No, that's what my mom did
by working two jobs.
Marshall, that man
broke my heart every single day
for 20 years.
Well, then we'll just give him
some dark meat.
No, seriously, Robin,
you should get the slap.
I mean, you're a great slapper.
In fact, I want
to study slapping
under your tutelage.
I want to be your slap-prentice.
Don't sell yourself
short there, Teddy.
You're a slapping rock star.
Your name should be
Eric Slapton.
Okay, okay, guys,
this is torture.
Just put me in the chair...
Slapping Throne.
And get it over with!
Ok, he's all yours.
No-no-no-no. It's you, I insist.
Okay, I'll do it.
Great.
Wait, what?
I'm just saying, I'll slap him.
What, so that's just, like,
the end of the discussion?
Well, you said I could slap him.
Uh, I was just being nice.
If anyone's gonna slap him,
it's gonna be me.
No, it's not.
This is interesting.
Lily, he's family, okay?
And I'm sorry, but you just
don't cut off family.
Oh, well, that's easy for you
to say when you come
from the most ridiculously close
family in the world.
We are not ridiculously close.
Really?
Yeah.
What about the Eriksen Family
Dinner every single Sunday?
Everything looks delicious,
Mother Eriksen.
Thank you,
Papa Bear.
Marshall, would you
like to say grace?
(on monitor):
Well, I would be
happy to, Mother.
Everyone, please join hands.
Dear Lord...
I'm sorry, but that's weird.
A family should be that close.
And I want our future family
to be that close.
And that includes your dad.
I can't believe
you're taking his side.
Lily...
Let me
be clear on this:
that man will never
cross the threshold
into this home, ever!
It's just gonna be, like,
five more minutes.
Hopefully soon, amigo.
I'm fighting a losing battle
with hemorrhoids here.
Oh, that's one of the diseases?
No.
Ted, there is an hour
before the sun sets,
at which point, neither one
of us gets to slap Barney.
So just let me have it.
I'm the one who had
the idea to call the Port
Authority Lost and Found.
Ooh, that's a good point.
Rebuttal?
I'm the one who slipped
the guy a 20!
Oh, philosophical
conundrum.
Idea versus execution.
Please discuss at length.
I carried that huge turkey
all the way up here.
I paid the cab fare.
Well, you slept
with one of my best friends!
What?! You, you said
you were okay with that.
Well, I'm not!
Well, why didn't you
say something at the time?
Because I'm still in love
with you!
Do you really want to slap
Barney so bad
that you would lie
about being in love with me?
I rely want to slap him, okay?
Yes, your dad has made some
mistakes in the past,
but he's a different
person now.
He's moved out of your
grandparents' house.
He's got a job.
He's paying off his IRS debts.
Wait, how do you know all that?
Like, body language.
Okay, well, yeah,
we met for a drink last week.
I mis her a ton.
Little princess.
She ever talk about me?
Yeah. Yeah, like, all the time.
Um, she tells this one really
sweet story about...
So never, huh?
No, not a word.
But...
it doesn't have to be that way.
We can, we can fix this, right?
(scoffs)
You know, I always thought
it'd get fixed at the wedding.
I even wrote a toast.
But then, no invite.
Hell, I haven't even seen a wedding photo.
<i>MARSHALL:
And then, right before my eyes,
<i>your father
broke down crying.
(sobbing)
That's it!
You're coming to Thanksgiving!
You invited him?!
The guy was, like, blabbering.
What was I going to do?
And then, some jerk
at the next table
called him a sissy,
which I thought
was totally uncalled-for.
I can't believe you.
Marshall, what gives you
the right to do that?
You and I are married.
And that means
he's my family, too.
Mickey, come on in.
(timer ticking)
Ted, you better roll quickly.
Your gall bladder's
about to burst.
You know, Mickey, it's been,
like, half an hour.
I think we should
go look for Lily.
Eh, she just needs
some time to cool down.
Let's finish the game.
Yeah, play
another round.
Best of seven!
Damn it, Robin!
I've known Barney the longest.
I get to slap him.
That slap is mine, Mosby.
I've never slapped Barney...
above the waist.
Look, I've wanted to slap Barney
since the moment
I met him! You don't think
that I want
to slap Barney? I've waited...
Wait, wait a minute. Wait a mute!
This slap was supposed to be
a wonderful thing, a gift,
and look, it's turned us
against each other.
My God, you're right.
This once pure fruit has turned
into a poison slapple.
You know what?
Seriously, you take it.
Are you sure?
Slapsolutely.
I really think
that we should
go look for Lily.
Ted? Gall bladder
about to pop.
Okay, it's decided.
Barney, come on. Get in the Throne.
Hmm?
Are you...
Yep. Come on.
Well, you, um...
Uh, well, I guess that is
the best decision, Robin.
I mean...
men are stronger than women.
D-Don't listen to him.
Okay, it's been decided.
Okay.
And that's what you've always
wanted, isn't it, Robin?
A strong man
to take care of you?
I mean, sure. Growing up,
you were a scrapper,
Playing hockey with the boys,
skinning your knees
on the ice.
But what you couldn't
tell your teammates--
what you couldn't
even tell yourself--
was that all you really wanted
was that pretty white dress
in that pretty white chapel.
And at the end of the centre aisle,
strewn with pretty white flowers,
a man
to do all your slapping for you.
Let me at him!
Robin! Come on!
Hold on!
(dings)
Oh!
Oh, my God.
What just happened?
Sorry, Ted.
Gallbladder burst.
You move back
three spaces.
You come in here,
and you watch your daughter
leave and you don't even care.
And now you've destroyed
Thanksgiving dinner!
Lily-Lily worked
all day on this!
Relax. It's not real bile.
It's just lead-based
paint from China.
And horse bile.
<i>And at that moment,
Marshall gave Mickey a look
<i>none of us has ever
seen him give anyone.
What's this? What's he doing?
Did you swallow
some of that paint?
This is my "you're dead to me" look.
Oh. Oh.
Okay.
Yeah, you know,
Lily's is so much better...
Get out of my house!
Hey.
Mr. Park's, huh?
This is the last place
I expected to find you.
MarshallÂ…
Lily, I'm sorry.
But just hear me out.
I used to think that
family was-was a right.
But it's not. It's a privilege,
and it has to be earned.
I kicked your dad out.
And I promise,
baby, I will... I will never
make you see him again.
Oh, what?
Baby, what-what happened?
(tearfully): Marshall, I came in
here because it was cold
and this was the only
place that was open.
I wasn't even gonna look
Mr. Park in the eye.
And then I found out...
Mr. Park died.
Oh, my God.
He really is dead to me.
And if I feel this bad
about never making up
with Mr. Park,
a guy who meant literally nothing to meÂ…
(sobbing)
We got to go get my dad.
Okay.
<i>NARRATOR:
So that's how
<i>on Thanksgiving 2009,
<i>your Aunt Lily
performed a miracle.
<i>She brought a man
back from the dead.
Everyone.
Before we get started, Barney,
WeÂ’re going to need you
on The Slapping Throne.
Slap Bet Commissioner,
surely tying me
to a chair is a breach...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Less yappin', more slappin'.
(groans)
Ted, Robin. It's two
minutes until sundown.
Have you guys decided
which one of you
is going to get to slap
Barney right in his face?
It's gonna be Ted.
What? Why me?
Last year, you got left at the altar.
You lost your job.
But you've come
such a long way since then.
I'm so proud of you, Ted.
You deserve to slap someone
in his face as hard as you can.
Thanks.
This is the worst.
(clears throat)
(breathing deeply)
Mama!
No, Robin. Look...
You just went through
your own breakup, and...
while I know you and Barney
left it on good terms,
isn't there some part of you,
deep down, that wants to slap him
right in his face?
There is.
I know there is.
This is basically hell on Earth.
Oh...
All right.
(humming, grunting)
Oh...
TED:
You got this.
It hurts!
No. I can't do it.
I can't take this from you, Ted.
Nor I, you.
Oh, thank God.
So, I'd like to
make a gesture.
Mickey?
Oh, no way!
I'm glad you and Lily are
trying to work things out.
So, to welcome you to our little family,
I'd like to offer you this slap.
Really?
Well, I feel a little weirdÂ…
I-I just met Barney,
But how often
do you get a chance
to slap someone right in his face?
(groaning)
Soft!
I'm sorry. I can't do it.
Oh, thank God.
LilyÂ…
I know I haven't been
much of a father to you.
You are kidding me.
So for all the ballet
recitals that I missed
for all the art shows that
I should've been at...
...for the wedding gift
that I never got a
chance to give to you...
Princess...
I give this slap to you.
Oh, Daddy!
No.
No, no, no, no.
She is the Slap Bet Commissioner.
She's supposed to remain impartial!
Slap Bet Commissioner
says it's okay.
This is not good.
Okay.
Please, please, please.
Let me...
Shh, shh, shh.
Let me...
Just close your eyes.
It'll be over soon.
Running through a meadow.
I can't do it.
Why can't I do it?
Because this slap
has done exactly what I hoped.
It's brought us all
closer together.
And it's caused us to recognize
both the frailty
and the greatness
in ourselves
and each other.
Oh, give me a break.
And that is why...
there will be no slap today.
(gasps)
Oh, my God!
This is the best Thanksgiving...
That's four!
So, turkey?
<i>New from Aldrin
Games Unlimited, it's...
<i>Slap Bet!
<i>The slap-happy game
that's a real hit.
* You just got slapped
* Across the face,
my friend... *
<i>For kids of all ages.
* You just got slapped
* Oh, that really
just happened... *
(slapping)
* Oh, everybody saw it, h
* Everybody laughed
and clapped *
* 'Cause it was awesome... *
I win!
* The way that
you just got slapped. *
<i>Slap yourself silly
with Slap Bet,
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from Aldrin.
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