Guess what I've got
behind my back.
Wait, wait, wait,
I got this one. Left.
Wrong game. But correct.
<i>Five front-row tickets
to Robots vs. Wrestlers.
<i>Robots vs. Wrestlers?
That is awesome!
<i>You've heard of
Robots vs. Wrestlers?
Never. But we assume it's
some sort of sporting event
That pits robots
against wrestlers!
That's exactly what it is,
According to the Web site!
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Who's the fifth ticket for?
Uh... Robin.
I know--
She moved in with her boyfriend
And said she doesn't want
to hang out with us anymore,
<i>But this is Robots
vs. Wrestlers.
<i>Robots...
<i>Vs. Wrestlers!
Barney is right.
It's impossible
to say no to that.
No to that.
I wish I could, but I
Have plans with don on Saturday.
He's making me Chinese.
I'll assume you're
talking about food,
Otherwise, I have some
follow-up questions.
Oh, I'm sorry, Lily,
But I got to give this thing
with don a chance.
And I can't do that if I'm out
drinking with you guys
Every single night--
especially when "you guys"
Includes two
of my ex-boyfriends.
I understand.
You're right.
It's just we
all really miss you.
Aw, I miss you, too.
Oh, listen, I got to go.
Talk soon?
Okay, bye.
Sorry, New York,
I had to take that.
Now, where were we?
Yeah. Yes. Bus crash.
She said no?
How could she say no?
<i>Robots vs. Wrestlers
is our most important tradition
As a group.
Tradition? We've never
done this before?
<i>It's Robots vs. Wrestlers, Lily.
How is that not
gonna be a tradition?
Well...
This is how it starts.
First Robin moves in with don,
Then Marshall and Lily
have a baby,
Then Ted...
Gets married?
I was gonna say,
"is found alone
In his apartment
devoured by his cats,"
But either way, not pretty.
Everyone's
Leaving me,
and I don't like it!
Oh, Barney, you
don't have to worry
About Marshall
and me having kids.
<i>That's a long way
down the road.
Exactly-- it's,
uh, down the road,
A medium way.
A medium-long way.
I mean, you can see it ahead.
In the vast, vast distance.
But you're already seeing
exit signs for it.
Really? I didn't see any.
You might want to get
in the right lane.
I understand
how you feel, Barney.
Friendships are important.
In fact, Emerson wrote
A great poem entitled
"friendship."
You guys are gonna love this.
"a ruddy drop of manly blood,
the surging sea outweighs..."
<i>That's how it had
always been for me with the gang
<i>Any time I tried to get
a little high-minded.
You guys, you've got
to try this syrah.
Hints of creme de cassis,
red berries,
Toasty oak...
Hmm.
Five letters, blank baritone.
Of course! Lyric baritone!
Which is actually higher
than a dramatic baritone.
You know, there's
a telling moment
<i>In the second act
of la bohème...
Guys, come on, I'm
just trying to add
A little class to
these proceedings.
It's like that line
<i>From Dante's inferno.
You were not born
to live like brutes."
"but to follow virtue
and knowledge""
Or...
In the original Italian...
<font color="#EC14BD">Sync by honeybunny</font>
<font color="#EC14BD">www.addic7ed.com</font>
You guys are right.
I'm totally overreacting
To this whole Robin thing.
What's this envelope?
Is this a wedding invitation?
Robin's marrying don.
I'm gonna die alone!
Ted's gonna get eaten by cats!
Dude,
Relax-- it's for Marissa Heller.
Marissa Heller?
She sounds hot.
Face, boobs, describe.
Start with boobs.
<i>Who was Marissa Heller?
<i>That mystery began
when Marshall and I
<i>First moved in together.
Ted! We got our
first mail delivery!
We are popular.
We've got
A golf magazine for...
Marissa Heller,
We've got a wicker
furniture catalog,
Also for Marissa Heller,
And...
A coupon for a bird store...
Addressed to Marissa Heller or--
stay with me--
"current occupant."
That's us!
We've got mail!
Fantastic!
Marissa Heller?
She must be the woman
who lived here before us.
I wonder what she was like.
<i>And just like that,
<i>A picture began
to take shape...
<i>A picture of Marissa Heller,
the golfer...
<i>...Marissa Heller,
the wicker catalog shopper...
<i>Marissa Heller,
the bird owner.
And since then, with each
piece of mail we've gotten,
The picture's become
a little clearer.
The only thing
We don't know is
what she looks like.
Well, I guess
I'll forward this along
Like I've been forwarding...
Oh, just open it.
Okay.
It's an invitation
to Jefferson van Smoot's
Annual spring social
this Saturday night...
In the penthouse apartment
of the Alberta!
You guys... That's the most
beautiful building in Manhattan!
We-we got to go
to this party.
That depends-- does it say
anything on that invitation
About robots battling wrestlers
for intergalactic supremacy?
No, but it says open bar.
Revised agenda
Free booze
at Marissa Heller's party,
<i>Then Robots vs. Wrestlers.
One of us just
Needs to pretend
to be Marissa Heller.
guys, I'm flattered,
But I think Lily should do it.
<i>So the big night arrived.
<i>Our first stop...
<i>The Alberta building.
Wow! This building is amazing!
Did you guys see
the Porte Cochere
And the Terra-cotta
spandrels outside?
Oh, my God, look!
I just got a text from Robin.
It says...
Okay, guys, huddle up.
Now, Lil, you can do
this-- all you have to do
Is look that guy in the eye,
say your name
Is Marissa Heller,
and we are golden.
And again, just so
we're clear, no accent.
Are we sure
she's not British, isn't it?
No! No!
No!
All right! Here I go.
I'm doing it.
Hi.
Hello.
Ooh. Sorry.
Go ahead.
I'm here for
the van Smoot party.
My name is Marissa Heller.
Bollocks.
So that's Marissa Heller.
Huh.
<i>She fine.
Her teeth look really nice.
She must be remembering
to go to the dentist
Even without those
reminder postcards.
So, what are we doing?
I'm getting us into
the party, that's what!
Marissa Heller!
Barney Stinson!
We met at that gathering for...
Bird owners.
I don't think so.
Wicker lovers?
No.
Stinson out.
Guys, it's not gonna happen.
I got this.
You know, this elevator
still uses the same mechanism
From when it was first
installed in 1906.
Rumor is,
Louis Lamar Skolnick,
The architect who
designed this building,
Carved these panels himself.
Oh, a Skolnick fan?
Well...
I love
His juxtaposition between
The north German
renaissance exterior...
And the decidedly French
influence on the inside! I know!
He was an architect
With the soul of a poet, really.
No, no, no, don't, don't.
- It's working.
- You know,
I have a confession to make.
We're not on the guest list,
But... I've always wanted to see
the inside of the Alberta.
Well, then right this way.
We're all together.
Told you I'd get us in.
So...
<i>Anyone been watching
the young and the restless?
awesome!
<i>Who ordered
soap opera illustrated?
Huh. Marissa Heller,
I like your style.
Anyone?
Am I to understand
that there isn't
A single soap opera fan
in this entire elevator, Hmm?
I don't own a TV.
The only operas I watch
Are at the met.
Dibs.
Ah. Excuse me.
Jefferson, darling.
Wow, I am not dressed for this.
One word, made up:
"douche-pocalypse""
Guys... That's
Peter Bogdanovich
Talking to Arianna Huffington
and Will Shortz,
Editor of the new
York times crossword!
Look, let's give
this party a chance, okay?
There's free food, free booze.
20 minutes, then we can leave.
But, you see,
music was changing,
And Giovanni Artusi
simply didn't understand
The new style of composing.
Excuse me, are you
talking about Monteverdi
<i>And his fourth book
of madrigals?
My dear chap, what else?
That's my favorite
book of madrigals!
Smoked Foie gras
With caramelized mango
and crème fraîche?
Hey, uh, hey, guy,
Do you have anything in the
mini cheeseburger department?
I don't think so, sir.
No? Mini pizzas?
Little cups of fries?
Any food at all that'll
make me feel like a giant?
I'll check, sir.
He's not gonna check.
I'm performing
open-heart surgery
On the dutch ambassador
in the morning.
I hope he pulls through.
Really? A colleague of mine
just prescribed cumadin
To the dutch ambassador.
And there's no way
<i>She'd be on anticoagulants
<i>If she were about
to undergo surgery.
Just...
Okay?
You know who published
a great article
On Walt Whitman
and the politics of semantics?
Professor Hammersmith of Oxford.
<i>I am Professor Hammersmith.
Wha...?!
...Which is exactly what
truffaut was talking about
<i>In his 1954 article
in Cahiers Du Cinéma.
Film is an auteur's
medium, full stop.
Movies...
Right?
Actors.
Willem Dafoe.
Funny thing
about Willem Dafoe--
Uh, his name kind of
sounds like a frog...
Talking to a parrot.
Willem.
Defoe!
Willem.
Defoe!
No?
As undersecretary
of the treasury,
I had a big hand in crafting
that legislation.
Now... I wonder
If you'd like to join me
in the map room
<i>And give my package
some stimulus.
I'm afraid not, darling.
You are too old for my taste.
Okay, Zsa Zsa Gabor is still
looking pretty hot,
But otherwise,
This party sucks.
Yeah, well, we
gave it a chance.
It's been 20 minutes.
Let's get out of here.
Where's Ted?
Yeah.
I know how to find him.
Just give me one...
Mm.
Gongs, right?
Uh, louder than you think.
Young man, that gong
is a 500-year-old relic
That hasn't been struck
since W.S. Gilbert hit it
<i>At the London premiere
of the Mikado in 1885.
Wife is a 500 year relic that
hasn't been struck since W.S. Gilbert hit it
at the London premiere
of the Mikado in 1885.
Guys, Will Schorz, editor
of the Times' crossword.
You know how I've been
saying they always use ulee
<i>From Ulee's gold
because of the vowels?
Well, tell 'em,
will. Tell 'em.
It's because of the vowels.
It's because of the vowels!
Oh, wow. Ted, can I talk
to you just for a second?
Hey, will, ten-letter-word for
diminutive egg-based torte?
Mini-quiche? Where?!
Right there.
Such a great party. Such a
Great party! Yeah, totally, Ted.
It's time to go.
<i>It's Robots
vs. Wrestlers o'clock.
Oh.
Ted.
There you are.
We'll be blind taste-testing
French whites in a bit.
Should be a hoot and a half.
Well, I decan't miss that.
I know.
You don't have to say it.
You don't decant white wine.
Miss Lily in the living
room with the candlestick.
Oh, my heavens, no!
That was Edgar Allan Poe's!
Sorry!
Uh, guys, listen,
I'm having fun here,
<i>So I think I'm gonna skip
Robots vs. Wrestlers.
But Ted, you've never missed
Robots vs. Wrestlers!
No! No! No! No!
No! No! No!
No! No! No! No! No!
Ted, this isn't happening.
First Robin ditches us,
and now you?
And for these stuffy,
pretentious snoots?!
Actually, I kind of like these
stuffy, pretentious snoots.
They don't make fart noises
every time I open my mouth.
Now, look, I'm going to stay.
- I'll see you guys tomorrow.
- Yeah.
Come on, Barney.
It's just one night.
It doesn't mean anything.
Oh, it means everything.
<i>Ted, if you don't come
to Robots vs. Wrestlers,
It's the end of our friendship.
I'll see you guys tomorrow.
Fine. Then you are out
of our gang forever.
You can reapply in two years.
Marshall, Lily,
Let's go watch
Wrestlers fight robots.
So embarrassing.
I forgot something.
So Ted, where did those chums
of yours scoot off to?
Oh, you know.
Poetry reading.
Best tradition ever!
Don't humor me, Marshall.
Let's face it.
The gang is over.
Ted's gone. Robin's gone.
We might as well just go
our separate ways.
God, Barney, enough
with t a abandonment issues.
Ted's allowed to have a life
outside of the group.
We all are.
Wait a minute.
Why are you saying that
all of a sudden?
Oh, God, you're pregnant!
No.
Oh, God, you
already had the baby!
It's right behind me, isn't it?
No, you idiot.
It's just, eventually,
we're all gonna move on.
It's called growing up.
Is that all you got, bitch?
But can you at least promise me
That you won't get pregnant
for another year?
I can't make that promise.
You can't?!
You can't?!
Hmm?
Citrus and honeycomb flavors
with crisp acidity.
It's a sauv blanc, Loire valley.
Town of Sancerre.
Ah. Correct again!
Bravo, boy!
No! You can't
have kids!
You don't want to bring a child
Into this crazy,
messed-up world.
I don't know.
The world seems pretty awesome
right now, Barney.
Okay, Lily,
you leave me no choice.
If you have a daughter, the day,
Nay, the minute she turns 18...
Gong!
Oh, my God!
Hey, but Lily.
Lily... Babies.
Oh!
I hope
Ted is miserable right now.
♪ constance fry,
constance fry ♪
♪ anytime you'd call ♪
♪ constance would fulfill
your needs ♪
♪ winter, spring ♪
♪ or fall. ♪
Ted, your lyric baritone
is outstanding.
Thank you, Will Shortz.
Fine, you guys can have a baby,
1) you promise to always
love me more than the baby;
2) once a month, I get to use
the baby to pick up chicks;
3) that may involve
the baby falling
From a two-story window
and me heroically catching it;
4) no breastfeeding
in front of me;
5) forget about four.
You can whip them out
whenever you want.
<i>And then, something
amazing happened.
Holy crap!
I don't believe it.
Well, of course, hell is an
interesting concept, isn't it?
I've always loved to imagine it
<i>As Dante did in
the divine comedy.
If you'll allow me.
In the original Italian.
<i>I cannot believe this.
<i>I'm reciting
the divine comedy
<i>In its original Italian,
<i>And nobody's making
fart noises!
<i>Wow, this is weird.
<i>Never gotten this far.
<i>You know, I actually sound
kind of douchey.
<i>My God, I'm out of control!
<i>Listen to me.
I'm completely unleashed.
<i>I'm the biggest douche
on the planet.
<i>Ugh! I wish
somebody would stop me.
<i>And then, somebody did.
<i>Kids, I think I told you
how earlier that year,
<i>We had seen some doppelgangers
of ourselves around town.
<i>There was lesbian Robin.
<i>There was moustache Marshall.
<i>And, of course, stripper Lily.
<i>Well, that night,
<i>One more doppelganger
surfaced--
<i>Mexican wrestler Ted.
<i>Soy el conquistador
de las máquinas!
Oh!
Oh!
I got to go.
Rule number 83.
If anything
that comes out of that baby
Gets on one of my suits,
I get to touch Lily's boobs.
Dude, what is it with you
and my wife's boobs tonight?
Hey, hey,
I don't make the rules.
Baby, are you really starting
to think about this?
I don't know.
Maybe a little.
Okay.
Well, for whatever it's worth,
I think that we're ready.
I mean, look,
We love each other,
We're financially stable,
and honestly, I don't think
It would change our lifestyle
all that much.
<i>Aunt Lily still likes
<i>To remind Uncle Marshall
he once said this.
Marshall, if we were at home
with a baby tonight,
We never would have seen
Ted's doppelganger.
Imagine missing that.
How would that feel?
I would blame that child
for the rest of his life.
Exactly.
For the rest of her life.
Okay, you're right.
There's, there's no hurry.
Okay, how about this?
We agree there's no sense
in having a baby
Until we've seen
all five doppelgangers, right?
Of course. Stands to reason.
Okay, so when we finally see
Barney's doppelganger,
That's the universe
telling us it's go time.
And that's when
we'll start trying. Deal?
Deal.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Well, well, look who thinks
He can just waltz in here
And be part of the gang again.
Well, you can forget it.
Listen, Barney, I...
Please be part
of the gang again!
I don't want
to lose anyone else!
We're all really sorry.
We'll even let you recite
all the douchey poems you want,
And we'll never, never say
a bad thing about it, I promise.
Really? Because
There actually is a poem
I'd like to recite--
"friendship" by
Ralph Waldo Emerson.
"a ruddy drop of manly blood,
the surging sea outweighs.
The world uncertain
comes and goes..""
I'm sorry.
Someone had to do that.
Who wants another drink?
I'm buying.
<i>Kids, I'd love to
tell you that over e e years,
<i>We didn't all drift apart
a little
<i>At one time or another.
<i>You don't mean
for it to happen, but it does.
<i>But no matter what,
to this day,
<i>Come hell or high water,
<i>We still all get together
every year
<i>For Robots vs. Wrestlers.
Good night! Thanks a lot.
I had a great time.
Willem.
Dafoe!
Willem.
Dafoe!
Willem.
Dafoe!
No comments:
Post a Comment