<i>Kids, up to
this point in the story,
<i>we had found doppelgangers.--
Eerie but awesome look-alikes
<i>for four of the five members
of our little group.
<i>There was Lesbian Robin...
<i>Mustache Marshall...
<i>Stripper Lily...
<i>and Mexican Wrestler Me.
<i>Yes, mine was the coolest.
<i>And so we were all eager
<i>to find The Fifth Doppelganger:
Barney's.
<i>Turned out,
it was more important
<i>to some of us than others.
We agree there's no sense
in having a baby
until we've seen
all five doppelgangers, right?
Yeah, of course.
Stands to reason.
Okay, so, when we finally see
Barney's doppelganger,
that's the universe
telling us it's go time.
And that's when
we'll start trying.
Deal?
Deal.
<i>And then one day,
a few weeks later...
Baby, were we serious about
the whole Fifth
Doppelganger thing?
I mean, having a baby
is a pretty big thing
to leave up to the universe.
Yeah, I know it's crazy.
It's just so much easier
to let the universe decide.
Why do you ask?
Boom!
Universed!
Oh, my God!
Wait, wait, wait, hold on.
That could easily be Barney
pulling some scam
to meet chicks.
I'm one step ahead of you.
Go for Barney.
Barney, hey.
It's Marshall.
So you are at work?
You're not--
I don't know--
driving a cab, wearing a wig.
Yes, I'm at work.
That's the sound of my stapler.
That's the sound
of my three-hole punch.
And this is the sound
of me filing
my corporate guidelines
on sexual harassment.
What is up?!
Got to go, Big Chief.
Barney's at work.
That-that was The
Fifth Doppelganger.
Marshall Eriksen...
put a baby in my belly.
I can't wait to tell the gang.
This is one of those moments
you dream about.
"Guys...
"Lily and I...
are having unprotected sex."
Ooh, I just got the chills.
We're not gonna say anything.
What? Why?
Marshall, if we tell them,
we're basically
inviting them into
the most private,
intimate moment of our lives.
You guys banging?
Keep going; I'm
not even here.
But just for the record,
having a baby: huge mistake.
Now, show me what you got.
Uncle Teddy's here!
Quick question:
How you guys gonna handle
the whole Santa thing?
I'm thinking, just be honest.
Ah, hell. I'll dress up.
This just in...
is what Marshall Eriksen
is about to say to his wife
as he attempts
to impregnate her.
Chopper 12 is live on the scene
with "Baby Watch: 2010."
Okay, fine. I won't tell anybody
about the baby thing.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Guys...
We saw The Fifth Doppelganger!
Whoa!
Amazing!
That is awesome!
Mm-hmm.
Ooh, freaky.
A brunette Barney.
I know.
Say what you will
about the guy,
but Barney seems right
as a blond.
Well, that's true.
Not every dude
can pull that off
the blond look.
I don't know about that.
What?
Oh, that summer
I was lifeguarding
at the Chagrin Falls
Country Club,
I was lathering a little
lemon juice into the old mop,
playing with some
natural highlights.
Let's just say there were a few
senior citizens who pretended
to drown on my watch.
And sadly, one who did.
Anyway,
I'd look good blond.
<i>Okay, people,
we're in a delicate
<i>but very, very promising
situation here.
<i>If we play the
next 30 seconds right,
<i>Ted will dye his hair blond.
<i>Guys, this is mean.
<i>We can't--
uhp, just pictured it.
<i>How do we do this?
What are we all thinking about?
<i>Nachos?
<i>Ted Mosby responds to
<i>one thing above all else.
<i>I don't know, I'm still
<i>kind of full from lunch.
A bunch of people emphatically
<i>telling him
not to do something.
<i>Follow my lead.
<i>Ah, screw it, I could eat.
Yes, we'd all like
some nachos.
I love you, buddy, but
there's absolutely no way
that you could pull off blond.
It-it just wouldn't
look right.
Yeah, seriously, Ted,
don't go blond.
I'm going blond!
No!
No!
That is not the outcome
we were hoping for!
<i>Now, kids, Robin and Don
<i>were becoming
such a great team, both off
<i>and on the air, that local
Channel 12 started asking them
<i>to guest-host some of
their other top-notch programs.
So, that's why Monty and I
vow never to do drugs.
Because drugs are bad.
Right, Monty?
We, sure,
man-made
chemical stuff.
But things that grow in nature--
they're okay to try,
like, once or twice.
Not looking for
gray areas here, Monty.
I don't think it's right
to lie to the kids, Moo-Moo.
So... what are you saying?
I've experimented with drugs.
<i>Fun fact: highest-rated
<i>Monty and Moo-Moo episode ever.
Mmm.
Hmm, what was that for?
Before I met you, I'd
given up on everything.
Relationships, career, pants.
But you made me
want to try again.
I love you for that.
Oh. Huh?
Ooh.
Oh, I see.
Mmm.
Hi. Hey, hi.
Sorry.
Um, you don't know me,
but I just wanted
to say thank you.
You're actually a very
important person in my life.
Important?
More like legendary.
Marshall, it's me!
Barney!
<i>Oddly enough,
this would rank as only
<i>the second biggest surprise
of the day.
Wow, this is just very sudden.
Sure, I can get you
an answer by tomorrow.
Okay.
Thanks.
Ted, something big
has just happened,
and you're the most
sensible person I know.
I need to talk to you right now.
You know what, it can wait.
No, go ahead. I'm listening.
Okay, well,
the executive producer from WNKW
happened to see our
show the other morning
and loved me.
They offered me the lead
anchor job, starting next week.
Wow, that's great!
It is great.
But, um, here's the catch.
WNKW is in...
H-Helen, kill the dryer!
Is in Chicago.
But you were
The Fifth Doppelganger.
How-how can you be you?
I called you, Barney;
We had a whole conversation!
Ah, yes, I know what happened.
See, people at work have
this very strange expectation
that I, well, work.
I know, I know.
<i>So to make my colleagues think
I'm busting my hump
<i>when I'm really out humping
busty chicks,
<i>I decided to record
a special message.
What is up?!
Got to go, Big Chief.
How can it be a recording?
You called me Big Chief,
my special workplace nickname.
Oh, buddy.
Hey, hey.
Come on, Big Chief.
Don't.
Just don't.
Why does this have
to happen now?
I mean, just when things are
going so great with Don.
It's the never-ending battle
of my life:
Career versus romance.
"Never-ending battle"?
Career has been
trouncing romance for years.
It's like the Globetrotters
versus the Generals.
Career's sinking hook shots
from half court,
Romance is just
a bunch of slow white guys
who couldn't make it
in the Italian league.
Ted, I'm lost.
What should I do?
Okay, you seriously need
to talk to Don about this.
I'm just too confused
to put this on Don.
I need to leave him out of it
until I figure out what I want.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
And I'm sorry I can't give you
better advice on this.
The truth is,
it's impossible for me
to be objective
about you moving away.
Mm. Did you get a manicure?
No, I didn't get a...
He sure did.
Flo!
Why are you brunette
and driving a cab?
Oh, that.
You know how
it's my dream to have sex
with at least one woman from
every country on the planet?
Sure.
Wow.
You're doing surprisingly well
in the Baltics.
Mm-hmm.
So, I figure,
what's the quickest way
to get around the world
in 180 lays?
Lease a cab and wait outside
the U.N. building
for hot foreign chicks.
<i>It was the perfect plan.
<i>There was only one small detail
I didn't take into account.
Chicks don't want
to bang cab drivers.
Chicks do not want
to bang cab drivers!
And I put a lot of
work into this one.
I can't believe this.
Now I got to tell Lily The Fifth
Doppelganger is a fake.
So? What does she care?
Lily decided that once
we spotted your doppelganger,
we'd start trying to have kids.
Kids?! No!
Uh-uh!
The rule is: no kids
until you're at least 45!
Do you ever read my blog?!
It's gotten a lot better.
I'm ready to be a dad, you know?
But Lily needs some sign
from the universe.
And now it could be years.
I'm sorry, buddy.
That'll be $37.50.
<i>So that night,
<i>Marshall went home
to break the bad news to Lily.
The universe has spoken.
Marshall Eriksen,
let's make a baby.
I...
Okay.
Hey.
Hey.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
I heard you were doing this,
so I worked on some stuff.
Uh, hey, uh, I'm planning
a "White Wedding."
Tell me, Billy Idol,
is it a nice day for that?
Some other Billy Idol ones.
Um, if anyone's looking for
the real Slim Shady,
he's right here.
That one's only okay.
Robin, why aren't you
getting in on this?
Okay, first of all,
I'm getting tons of compliments.
Second of all, tell him.
He's not getting
tons of compliments.
No, the other thing.
Oh.
I might move to
Chicago next week.
Mm, um, hey, baby.
Hmm?
Not for nothing or nothing,
but we'd still be doing this
even if we hadn't seen
Doppelganger Barney, right?
Ooh, but we did see him,
which means the universe--
in all its infinite wisdom--
is telling you to stick me
and stick me real good.
I can't. I can't in good
conscience stick you.
I know what's bothering you.
Really?
The cabbages didn't look
enough like Barney.
Well, that's just not true.
No! Time-out!
This is a group decision!
You can't just move to Chicago
unless we all say it's okay.
Barney, I think
this has to be Robin's...
Stay out of this,
Brigitte Nielsen
<i>or Dolph Lundgren
from Rocky IV!
We need Marshall and Lily.
That cabbie was like
a foot shorter than Barney!
He was the exact same size!
And you know what?
I think he was Asian.
Yeah, that guy was like
a tiny, graying Asian man
WI-with a soul patch
and a potbelly.
Have you completely forgotten
what Barney looks like?!
You guys banging?
Why are you in our bedroom?
<i>Why are you
in our bedroom?
Why is Ellen DeGeneres
in our bedroom?
Hey, this is working!
Wait a minute.
Candles...
Flowers...
Oh, I guess Marshall
"forgot" to tell you.
The Fifth Doppelganger...
was me.
What? Wait, and you
knew about this?
You lied to me?
By omission,
and it's only because
this whole "leave it
to the universe" thing
of yours is insane, Lily.
Baby, you... Lily, we need to
be in control of our own...
Guys, guys! We're forgetting
what's really important here.
Ted's blond.
Guys, I am pulling this off.
Now, Robin has something
important to tell you.
He's not pulling it off.
No, the other thing.
He got a manicure.
The other thing.
I got a job offer in Chicago.
Whoa.
That's why we all
came down here--
to try and talk Robin
out of making a huge...
Actually, I-I've, I've
already made a decision.
Guys, I gotta take it.
I can't believe
we're losing Robin.
<i>Guys, this might be
the depression talking,
<i>but is Ted's hair starting
to look kind of good?
<i>Thank God, I thought
I was the only one!
<i>He looks like
a freakin' movie star!
Oh, and by the way,
this was a huge mistake.
I'm changing my hair back.
Smart.
Told ya.
Not at all awesome.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
So, I just got off the phone
with Chicago.
Yes, I have made a decision.
Um...
I appreciate the offer,
but I can't take the job.
Thanks.
I'm staying.
Damn straight!
Yay!
Robin!
Hey, Lily,
tell me something.
When you saw actual Barney
driving that cab,
and you thought he was a petite,
potbellied Asian man?
I know. Weird, right?
It's not weird.
It means you're not ready.
And I'm... I'm sorry
that I tried to rush things.
Our baby can wait
for the real Doppelganger
Barney.
Oh...
Mm.
Mm.
Hey, Moo-Moo.
Monty made you
thin-crust pizza
just the way you like it!
Hi.
Mmm...
You okay?
Robin, you're not gonna
believe this.
I got offered the lead anchor
job at WNKW in Chicago.
Oh.
Um, what'd you say?
I said yes.
I've been waiting years
for a shot like this.
Barney?
I am simple street performer
from Estonia.
Who is this Barney?
Oh, he's just this guy we know
who has, like,
a really lame blog.
I hear it's getting better.
I mean, wha-what is "blog"?
It's just something that was
cool, like, eight years ago.
Still cool.
Still sounds pretty cool, man.
What's your name?
Kristof.
Kristof what?
Kristof...
Doppelganger.
Really?
Yep.
You're gonna go with
the last name "Doppelganger"?
That's my name, man.
Bro...
Robin, wait. Please
try to understand.
I gotta get out of here.
Wait. Put yourself
in my shoes.
Can you imagine what it's like
to have the phone ring,
and it's your dream job
on the other end?
Yes... I can.
Good luck in Chicago, Don.
Barney, why are you doing this?
Wait a minute.
Could it, could it be
that Barney Stinson actually
wants us to have kids?
Who is this Barney?!
Take American chill pill!
Well, let me tell you
about him.
He talks a big game
about how no one should
ever have kids before
they're at least 45.
I would be interested in reading
some of these opinions
in blog form.
But I think I know
what happened.
Yesterday, Barney thought
he had to say good-bye
to someone he truly loves.
And it got him thinking...
Maybe it wouldn't
be the worst thing
if a baby joined
our little group.
Babies...
<i>can be cute.
Mm. And someday,
he's gonna make
the best uncle in the world.
Because this Barney...
He's family to us.
Excuse me.
I heard you're from Estonia.
So am I.
Excuse me one moment.
<i>Estonia
would close out the Baltics!
And I am
street performer like you.
Ay-yi-yi-yi!
Hey.
Say yes to this.
Okay.
Can I move back in?
Yes.
But, Ted, am I just
the biggest idiot in the world?
Look, think about all
of us five years ago
when we first met you.
<i>Marshall and Lily were just
boyfriend and girlfriend.
<i>Now they're married
and thinking about kids.
<i>And Barney?
<i>Barney was never gonna commit
to anyone ever.
And last year, he fell in love.
<i>And me?
<i>I was chasing some girl I was
convinced was "The One."
Now she's one of my
closest friends.
And you?
<i>Five years ago, you never
would have chosen love
over your career,
but today you did.
Looks like I'm getting dumber.
No,
just more courageous.
Look, we've all been searching
for The Five Doppelgangers,
right?
Mm.
But eventually, over time,
we all become
our own doppelgangers.
You know, these... these
completely different people
who just happen to look like us.
"Five Years Ago Robin"?
That girl, she was pretty great.
But Doppelganger Robin?
She's amazing.
We've, um, we've had
a lot to drink...
I don't care.
What?
Oh. Oh, yeah.
I forgot I'm blond.
I have blond hair.
<i>And that's the story
of how dying my hair blond
<i>kept us from doing something
<i>we both would have regretted
that night.
<i>Kids, the universe is funny.
Oh, my God!
Yes! You're here!
This is fantastic!
Baby, simmer.
Your husband's right there.
<i>At least attempt
to hide it.
Guys, follow me!
Guys, look!
The Fifth Doppelganger!
Uh, Lily?
That dude looks noth...
Guys...
Go with it.
<i>Kids, you can ask the universe
for signs all you want...
It's uncanny.
Right?
Just like Barney.
Amazing.
It's like looking
in the mirror.
<i>But ultimately, we only see
what we want to see
<i>when we're ready to see it.
So, um, does this mean...?
Marshall Eriksen...
put a baby in my belly.
Mm...
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