How I Met Your Mother: How I Met Your Mother - S08E20

Kids, in April of 2013,
your mother and I were
very close
and yet very far apart.
I was living on
West 82nd Street.
She was up on West 115th.
She was getting
a degree in economics.
I was teaching architecture.
I was always at MacLaren's.
She was always...
not spending
all her time in a bar.
She was dating some
finance guy named Louis.
And I...
I was alone.
Ted, get ready
to be surrounded by
half-naked,
grease-covered bodies.

And by grease,
I mean motor grease.
We're going to
Robots vs. Wrestlers!
Kids, you remember
Robots vs. Wrestlers.
Forget everything
you remember
about Robots
vs. Wrestlers.
This is Robots vs. Wrestlers:
"Legends."
Elderly wrestlers
fighting old-timey robots
in a wheelchair-accessible
wrestling ring.
Why are we still sitting here?
I got a big lecture tomorrow.
Think I'm gonna
take it easy tonight.
Ted, trust me,
20 years from now,
you'll be glad you saw
Robots vs. Wrestlers: Legends.
I can't imagine
a world where that's possible.
I'm serious.
20 years from now,
when my 26-year-old third wife
asks me about this...
You make a lot of those jokes.
I'm gonna say,
"Yeah, it was awesome,
but you know the funny thing?
Ted almost didn't go."
Hmm.
"But thank God he did,
because it was a great night."
And then she
and I will
adjourn to the Jacuzzi,
where my fourth wife
will be waiting for us,
already warming herself
up on the jets.
Oh, Robin's here--
I'll tell you the rest later.
Please do,
that story could go anywhere.
Mwah.
Hey, hello.
Hey.
Here we are
at the bar
once more.
"What will I have to drink?"
you ask.
Hmm.
Minnesota Tidal Wave.
"What's that?" you ask.
Only the best cocktail ever.
"Who invented it?" you ask.
Me.
And it's not
a girly drink.
Lily, why would
you even say that?
Girly drink.
Hey, I am the least
girly girl on Earth,
and I love
the Minnesota Tidal Wave.
Thank you, Robin.
Matter of fact,
I'm going to go order one
right now
with my head held high.
Lily.
You want me to
order it for you?
Yes, please,
thank you, baby.
Ted, let me tell you
the secret to life.
Hmm.
Every time I make a decision
about what to do
on a given night, I ask myself,
"What would make the best memory
20 years from now?"
So I let 20-Years-From-Now-
Barney call the shots.
And it always works out.
And 20-Years-From-Now-Barney
thinks we should go
to Robots vs. Wrestlers?
I don't know.
Let's ask him.
Close your eyes, Ted.
Okay, now open them.
Barney, I swear to God,
if I open my eyes
and your bare ass
is an inch away
from my face again...
Just open your eyes.
Ted, I'd like you to meet
20-Years-From-Now-Barney.
20-Years-From-Now-Barney,
you remember Ted.
'Sup?
â™ª How I Met Your Mother 8x20 â™ª
The Time Travelers
Original Air Date on March 25, 2013
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Hey, Ted.
What's this
I hear-slash-remember
about you not wanting to
see Robots vs. Wrestlers?
Yeah, it's just that I
don't want to see it.
You don't...
I know.
He doesn't...
I know.
Ted, trust us,
it's gonna be legend--
wait 20 years for it...
...dary!
Legendary!
Legendary!
Okay, uh,
I'm gonna go home.
No, Ted, look.
Come on!
If you don't
believe that
Robots vs. Wrestlers
is gonna be
a life-changing event,
maybe you'll believe
20-Years-From-Now-Ted.
Whoa.
'Sup?
Wow.
Wow, so many
things all at once.
But most
importantly...
I don't go bald?
Nope.
And neither do I.
Eeh...
Ted, listen to me.
You, listen to you.
Me.
You got to go to Robots
vs. Wrestlers: Legends.
Trust me,
you will regret it if you don't.
So, what,
do I go bald or something?
Is that a toupee?
Ted,
scalp check!
Can't Robin do this?
Come on, you've been
doing it for years.
You know the frame
of reference.
Scalp check!
Hmm, that's odd.
Little early in the week
for scalp check.
Five tablespoons of sugar,
a whisper
of vanilla vodka
and you're done.
Maraschino cherries.
Oh, and a handful of
maraschino cherries on top.
Wait, you're ordering
a Robin Scherbatsky.
Why didn't you just say that?
One second
there, barkeep.
Unless I'm mistaken,
the drink this
lady just ordered
is called the
Minnesota Tidal Wave.
Origin unknown.
Oh, well, you know, Robin's been
ordering them so much lately
that we named it after her.
You named a drink after me?
Right there in the menu.
Congrats.
I can't drink this.
That's better.
I'm still seething,
but that's better.
Okay,
20-Years-From-Now-Me,
level with me.
You. Us.
Is Robots vs.
Wrestlers worth it?
It was the single
greatest night of my life.
Even greater
than your wedding?
Well, I mean,
when I get married,
that'll be the
greatest night of my life.
But who knows when
that's going to happen?
Oh, my God, you
still haven't...
Man, I hope
I meet her soon.
Oh, God, what is
wrong with me?!
I'm sorry!
I'm just messing
with you!
Now, come on, are
we going or what?
Fine, let's go.
Yeah!
Not so fast.
Barney, Ted,
20-Years-From-Now-Barney,
20-Years-From-Now-Ted.
Who are you?
I'm 20-Hours-From-Now-Ted.
And you bastards
aren't going anywhere.
So, you're the Ted
from 20 hours from now?
Shh.
Just... shh.
You okay?
No, I'm not okay.
This dummy's about to go
to Robots vs. Wrestlers--
and yes, it'll be awesome...
See?
...at first.
But then
you're gonna drink way too much,
hence the headache.
Then you're gonna
jump into the ring
and sprain your wrist,
hence the splint.
And then afterwards,
you're gonna smoke
half a pack of cigarettes,
hence the...
Well, that's the sound
a good time.
And 20 hours from now,
when you're me,
you're gonna want
to come back here,
right to this very spot,
right now,
and smack yourself
upside the head.
Yeah, but obviously
I wouldn't do that
'cause I'd only be
smacking myself--
Ow!
Don't do this to me, Ted.
Don't do this to us.
Don't listen to yourself,
Present-Day-Ted.
It's a day of pain
for a lifetime of memories.
20-Hours-From-Now-Me,
just tell me one
thing: do I hurl?
Yeah, kid.
You hurl.
A lot?
Remember when Mom
bought the beef
from the Price Club?
Okay, how about this:
we go to
Robots vs. Wrestlers,
but I don't
drink too much?
Interesting.
I'm good with that.
No, forget it.
If Ted
doesn't get wasted,
there's no way
he'll end up making out
with that surprisingly
realistic-looking female robot.
Wait, I kiss
a female robot?
Oh, you do a lot
more than that.
Now, look, nobody is
saying you need alcohol
to have an exciting
and memorable night.
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not.
But in this case, yeah,
you kind of have to be wasted.
You drink beers
in cans still.
It makes the robot scarier.
They named
my drink after her.
The Minnesota Tidal Wave.
It's my usual.
Immaterial!
If it's gonna be named
after anybody,
it should be called
The Marshall Eriksen.
Sorry, it's
The Robin Scherbatsky.
Read it and weep.
Oh, so you're gonna
Zuckerberg me?
That it?
You're Zuckerberging me?
That's fine.
I'll see you in court.
Little court known
as the dance floor.
Dance-off. Now.
No, no dancing.
Marshall,
we've been through this.
The doctor said your
dancer's hip is worse than ever.
You have to lay off dancing
for a while.
You're killing me, Lily!
You're killing me!
I'm an adult.
You have to let me dance
my own battles.
Marshall, there's not gonna be
a dance-off
because the name is staying.
Period, end of story.
I just like having
my name on something.
Oh, you do?
Oh, that's great, Robin.
Then that's what you will get.
That's...
what you...
will get.
Mmm, mmm-mmm-mmm.
Oh, hey, Robin.
You here "for a good time"?
Classic.
Did you write my number
in the men's room?
It...
Well, I don't know.
I guess you'll never know
unless you go in there,
which I highly
doubt that...
There she goes.
Okay, boys.
Close your eyes
and zip your flies.
Hi. Don't mind me.
I don't think
you should have done that.
Lily, I know what I'm doing,
all right?
I'm a lawyer.
I've thought about
every possible scenario.
I'm ten steps ahead of...
Where's she going?
Probably into the ladies' room
to write something on the wall
about you.
Nobody writes things
on the walls
of the ladies' room.
Have you been
in the ladies' room?
Of course not.
Lily, I know that I have the
sexual charisma of a bad boy,
but I certainly don't have
the manners of one.
What'd you write in there?
Why don't you
go in and look?
You know I can't do that, Robin.
Lily, can you go look?
Oh, I thought you wanted
to dance your own battles.
Ladies,
put your blouses back on!
I'm coming in!
Dear Marshall,
I know this is a strange way
to apologize,
but I'm sorry I let Carl
name your drink after me.
Why didn't I say something?
Gosh, I guess that goes back
to my childhood.
Okay, guys.
Let's go to
Robots vs. Wrestlers.
Huzzah!
Now you're talking!
Here we go.
Nope, sit down.
Everybody sit down.
Okay, who are you?
Hello, Ted, Barney,
20-Hours-From-Now-Ted,
20-Years-From-Now-Ted,
20-Years-From-Now-Barney.
Hey, how's it going?
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm 20-Minutes-From-Now-Barney,
and I have got something
very important to...
What's the stain
on your shirt, bro?
Please, please, I really do have
something very important to...
You look stupid.
Here's your spaghetti.
And be careful...
...with the meatball.
And that's the only time
my father
ever said he was proud of me.
Maybe that's why I stole credit
for your drink.
Maybe that's why
I needed to pour my heart out
like this.
Or, maybe I wrote this
so you'd be in here long enough
for a lady to walk in,
causing you to freak out
and hide in the stall.
So, you got a text message?
Yeah.
Whoa.
Try to get some
in your mouth next time.
Okay, everybody, listen up.
When I walked in here,
I was 20-Minutes-
From-Now-Barney.
But that was 19 minutes
and some serious
acid reflux--
who orders spaghetti
at an Irish bar?-- ago.
Now,
I'm 20-Seconds-
From-Now-Barney,
and I'm telling you,
watch that door.
Why?
That's why.
Um, oh.
In-in, like,
12 seconds.
Your skin looks great.
Thanks.
And thank you for taking
such good care of it.
Shh.
That's why.
Who is that?
She's the coat check girl
from that dance club
we went to seven years ago.
You remember that night.
When Barney grinded
with his cousin.
Oh, man, you remember that
20 years from now?
He won't let anyone forget.
Coat check girl.
I always meant to go
back to that club
and get her number,
but I didn't.
And now she's here?
She's in this bar
seven years later?
I-I can't believe this.
So, wait, do you guys think
I should go talk to her?
Are you kidding me?
Yes, go...
How many different ways...
Idiot.
Hello?
Is anybody out there?
Sounds like the coast is clear.
No, no, wait!
Please, it's not my fault!
I was tricked!
Not cool, Marshall.
This is a nice bar.
Girls come here, they just want
to relax with their friends,
maybe have
a few Robin Scherbatskys,
and not have to
worry out some guy
pulling a Marshall Eriksen
in the bathroom.
No, no, no, I know. I just...
Wait a minute,
did you just use my name
as shorthand
for a guy being creepy?
Yep.
Well, you know what, Carl?
I think that you are making
a broad
and prejudicial assumption.
So next time I meet a guy
who just goes around
rushing to judgment,
I'm gonna say,
"Hey, that guy's being
a real Carl..."
You don't know my last name.
You've been drinking
here for years,
and you don't know my last name.
I will name every drink
in this bar after you
if you can tell me my last name.
Well, that just seems confusing.
How will you know
what people are ordering?
What's my last name, Marshall?
It's Carl...
...'s Junior.
Okay, wish me luck,
everyone.
Break a leg...
What the hell?
Do not talk to her.
What-what... Who are you?
We are 20-Months-From-Now-
Coat-Check-Girl.
But there's two of you.
Right, because if you go
over there and you talk to her,
20 months from now, it's gonna
end in one of two ways.
Either you are gonna
get sick of me.
I made you muffins
because of your
nickname: Muffin.
Or...
I am gonna get sick of you
and your stupid habits.
Stop DVR-ing the news.
You're never gonna catch up.
Oh, stop it,
you're scaring him off.
By the way,
I'm pregnant.
No, she's not.
Okay, no, I'm not,
but that made you happy
for a second, right?
Please shut up.
Okay, wait,
so you're saying
it's doomed completely?
One of us is just guaranteed
to get sick of the other
and call it quits?
You've been dating
for a long time, Ted.
Has it ever gone
any other way?
Look at this one.
Thank you so much.
Hey.
Hey, you look kind of down.
Have a Robin Scherbatsky,
on me.
None of this would have happened
if Lily had let me dance.
Baby, wait.
God, you're still clinging
to that?
Marshall, it doesn't matter,
'cause you'd lose anyway,
and you know why?
'Cause I'm Sparkles,
bitch.
Oh, and you think
you can step to me?
You think you can step
up to the streets?
To me?
You think you can step up
over me to the streets?
I guess we'll never know
because you are not allowed...
Wait, wait.
That's my jam.
Who's playing my jam?
â™ª Like you carry dairy there
â™ª Carry dairy there â™ª
â™ª Heinie heinie heinie ho
â™ª Heinie heinie heinie ho â™ª
â™ª Work your derriere
â™ª Work your derriere â™ª
Dance-off.
You're on.
â™ª Work that booty
â™ª Work that booty,
work that booty â™ª
â™ª Work that booty
â™ª You got that pretty
brown round â™ª
â™ª Want both hands
all on them chocolate mounds â™ª
â™ª Give you my Almond Joy...
Oh.
I think I'm gonna head home.
I understand.
What, you're not gonna try
and stop me?
And how would I try
and stop you?
I don't know, by telling me
life is short,
and if you ever come
across a beautiful,
exciting, crazy moment in it,
you got to seize it
while you can
before that moment's gone?
Ted, this moment
already is gone.
The whole
Minnesota Tidal Wave thing
happened five years ago.
It's just a memory.
And the rest of this
never happened.
Right now, Marshall
and Lily are upstairs,
trying to get Marvin
to go back to sleep.
Robin and I are trying
to decide on a caterer.
And you've been
sitting here
all night,
staring at a single ticket
to Robots vs. Wrestlers
because the rest of us
couldn't come out.
Look around, Ted.
You're all alone.
Kids, it's been almost 20 years
since that cold April night
in 2013,
and I can safely tell you,
if I could go back in time
and relive that night,
there's no way in hell
I'd go to Robots vs. Wrestlers.
No, I'd go home.
I'd go to my old apartment,
see all my old furniture,
my old stuff.
I'd see my old drafting table,
where I sketched out
my first building.
I'd sit on that old couch
and smell the Indian food
cooking three stories below.
I'd go to Lily
and Marshall's place,
be back in that old living room
where so many things happened.
I'd see the baby.
I don't know if you can
picture me holding
your six-foot-seven
cousin Marvin over my head,
but back then I could.
I'd go have a drink
with Barney and Robin,
watch them fight
about their caterer
or whatever it was they were
fighting about that night.
But none of those things
is the thing I'd do first.
You know the thing
I'd do first?
Hi.
I'm Ted Mosby.
And exactly 45 days from now,
you and I are gonna meet,
and we're gonna fall in love,
and we're gonna get married,
and...
we're gonna have two kids.
And we're gonna love them
and each other so much.
All that is 45 days away.
But I'm here now,
I guess, because...
I want those extra 45 days
with you.
I want each one of them.
Look, and if I can't have them,
I'll take the 45 seconds
before your boyfriend shows up
and punches me in the face,
because...
I love you.
I'm always gonna love you,
till the end of my days
and beyond.
You'll see.
Can I help you?
Oh, hey, it's, uh, Louis, right?
It's okay.
It's fine, um...
I'm in love
with your girlfriend,
and, uh,
we're gonna get married.
What?
Yeah.
Okay, guys, I've been waiting
20 years for this.
Just like we practiced.
No mistakes, ready?
One, two,
a-one, two, three, four.
â™ª Whoa-oh-oh-oh
â™ª For the longest
â™ª For the longest time
â™ª Whoa-oh-oh
â™ª For the longest
â™ª For the longest time
â™ª If you said good-bye
to me tonight â™ª
â™ª Ooh-ooh-ooh
â™ª There would still
â™ª Be music left to write
â™ª Doo-doo-doo
â™ª What else could I do?
I'm so inspired by you â™ª
â™ª That hasn't happened
for the longest time. â™ª
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

How I Met Your Mother

4/23/2013

How I Met Your Mother - S08E20 - The Time Travelers

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