How I Met Your Mother - S08E21 - Romeward Bound

<i>Kids, by the spring of 2013,
<i>Lily and Marshall had life
figured out;
<i>Lily was making a name as the
art consultant for The Captain,
<i>Marshall was a superstar
environmental lawyer
<i>and home life
was a well-oiled machine.
<i>And then...
<i>something changed.
Captain, you wanted to see me?
Captain? Hello?
Permission to come aboard?
Granted.
I'm moving to Rome

and I'd like you to come
with me.
Carry on.
What?!
That-That-That's amazing,
but I-I don't know if I can
just uproot my life.
It's only for a year.
Carry on.
But I'm married
and we have a baby
and they just opened
a Shake Shack on our block
and there's never a line!
I understand
it's a big decision.
Take all the time you need.
Just let me know
by the end of the day.
Also, I need your advice on
purchasing some luggage.
What kind?
Carry on.
<font color=#00FF00>♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x21 ♪</font>
<font color=#00FFFF>Romeward Bound</font>
Original Air Date on April 15, 2013
== sync, corrected by <font color="#00FF00">elderman</font> ==
Well, this has been fun.
I should go.
But you literally just got here.
I didn't "literally"
just get here.
I hate when people misuse
that word.
So do I.
But you literally just got here.
Hey, Ted.
Well, this has been fun.
I should go.
Okay, fine, now I'm leaving.
Why do people go
to a bar, anyway?
To get your drink on
and some girl's pants off.
I can do both at home.
What are you looking at?
The girl in the big coat?
We were in
the same yoga class together.
You know how sometimes you'll
meet a girl and there'll be
that one bewitching little
detail that'll make you
fall in love with her instantly?
You know, a little freckle
on the nose,
the-the lilt of her laugh,
the way she pronounces
a certain word or phrase?
Sure, totally.
Well, in this girl's case,
the bewitching little detail is
the fact
that she has
just a "redonkulous" body.
Redonkulous?
Redonkulous!
I've only heard you use
"redonkulous" to describe
<i>Mission Impossible:
Ghost Protocol.
Barney, this girl has
<i>the Mission Impossible:
Ghost Protocol of bodies.
Whoa.
Just wait till she takes
that coat off.
Oh, wait, sorry, you were
just about to leave, right?
I mean, I've already paid
for this drink.
Guys, The Captain just made me
a very interesting offer.
Finally, we get around
to the real reason he hired you.
Just promise you film it,
and please use a tripod.
There's nothing artistic
about shaky-cam.
It just looks sloppy.
He wants me to move
to Rome for a year
to buy art for him.
Whoa! Seriously?
Is that something you want to do?
Are you kidding?
I've always wanted
to live abroad!
My summer in Paris, back in
college, was so enlightening:
the art, the history,
the free cheese
just for wearing
a low-cut top.
Well, how does Marshall feel
about moving?
I haven't told him yet.
He really loves
his job here.
Yeah, but he also
loves Italy!
He took a week
of Italian in college,
and the only reason
he dropped it was
'cause he had a conflict...
with being not stoned.
But he still knows
how to say the phrase,
"Come on, bro, don't Bogart
all the Funyuns."
All right,
I'm gonna call him.
Hey, baby.
Hey, baby, I can't talk
right now.
I'm working on a big case. Bye.
<i>And that's when Lily realized
<i>what moving to Rome
would really mean.
♪
And before you know it...
...his life turns
into an angsty,
existential black-and-white
Italian movie.
Exactly.
I used to be a lawyer.
I don't know anymore.
<i>I'm sorry. I got to hit
pause for a second.
Why is it so hot in here?
Oh, right. While you were
blabbering on and on
about your whole life crisis
or whatever,
I slipped Carl a hundred
to turn the heat up in here.
What? Why?
Because she is still
in the big puffy coat!
Barney, what are
you doing?
I'm trying her out of that coat,
that's what I'm doing!
I'm fighting hotness
with hotness!
You're engaged.
Okay, Lily, clearly you're
forgetting something.
Yes, I'm engaged
to the coolest girl on Earth.
This is about looking,
not touching.
Robin understands there is one
set of balls she can't tie up
with a necktie and lightly hit
with a Ping-Pong paddle.
These balls.
Okay, I'm gonna call
The Captain,
get this over with.
Ahoy.
Hello, Captain?
Lily, I hope you're not calling
to harpoon our big move
to Rome.
Thank you, but I can't ask my
husband to abandon his career.
Would you like me
to try and convince him?
I'm very persuasive.
I'm sorry, the ship has sailed.
What's that mean?
Well, you know,
"The ship has sailed"?
That it's over and there's
nothing you can do?
What a peculiar expression. Hmm.
Well, thanks for all
your hard work, Lily.
I've never been good at
good-byes, so...
Well, that's that.
My dream job as an
art consultant is over.
And the sad part...
Okay, I gotta stop you
right there, Lily,
'cause unless I'm mistaken,
lock and load gentlemen.
A scarf?! No, don't put on,
take off!
Okay, you're
starting to drool.
I'm calling creepy.
Lily, it's fine.
This is purely academic.
It's-It's like bird-watching.
And right now, I am watching
a double-breasted-- Robin!
Wait-- they know
each other?!
Whoa, wait--
what is going on here?
Oh, my God,
it's happening.
This is just like I imagined.
Right in front of Ted,
so I can rub it in his face.
The belt is mine!
Hi, guys. Barney,
you remember Liddy.
I do?
Yes! Libby.
Liddy. We met
when Robin hired me.
Robin hired you?
Naughty girl. Okay.
Okay, so how's
this gonna go down?
You two just gonna start,
and I'll just jump in?
Uh, she's our
wedding planner.
Of course
she's the wedding planner!
Good to see you again, Libby.
Liddy.
Yeah.
Hey, I'm Ted.
We, uh, we met once before.
Oh, right, in yoga class.
How are you?
She's talking to me.
Well, I would love
to stay,
but now that
I'm unemployed,
I think I'll go surprise
Marshall at work.
Wedding planner.
<i>So Lily went
to visit Marshall at work,
<i>hoping she wasn't interrupting
anything important.
<i>She wasn't.
Whoa. What is going on?
Bernard, if we just glue
the cards together...
Lily!
What are you doing here?
Well, I baked you brownies
because I thought
you were busy working, but...
so when you said...
Lily, hey, I can't really talk.
I'm working on a big project
right now.
It's a real house of cards.
Is this the "house of cards"
you were talking about?
I thought you had
some big client.
Oh, sweetheart, we haven't had
a client here in months.
Mmm! Brownies! Hey!
What is going on?
What do you mean
you haven't had
a client in months?
Ever since the Gruber case,
we lost a lot of business,
people got laid off...
it's just me and Bernard now.
Where's Cootes?
He's holed up in a bomb shelter
in Colorado,
waiting for the apocalypse and
tending to his herb garden.
So all those times I've called
you in the past few months,
when you talked
about how busy you were...
you were just lying to me?
Technically, I never lied...
Hey, baby.
Hey, baby, I can't talk
right now.
I'm working on a big case. Bye.
<i>That is a big case.
Bad time, Lily.
I got to focus on the client.
Gotta go. Bye.
Where were we?
Chapter 19.
I can't talk right now;
I got a lot on my plate.
Well, let's dig in.
If we start now,
we can be done by lunch.
Now's not a good time, Lil.
We got a lot of balls
in the air right now.
Okay, toss me
the stapler.
Unbelievable.
Wait-- when you said you were
about to get reamed...
Oh, right. That.
No, sometimes, for fun,
We throw reams of paper
at each other.
Bernard! Not a good time!
Read the room!
I'm sorry, baby, I...
I didn't want you
to see me fail.
Damn it! Do you realize what you
cost us by lying to me?
The Captain is moving
to Rome,
and he offered to bring me along
as his art consultant,
but I turned it down, because
I thought you loved your job.
Oh, my gosh.
If we lived in Italy,
I could just spend my days
taking care of Marvin
<i>and trying to make pasta and
watching Italian Price Is Right.
It sounds like a dream!
Oh, it's too late.
No, no. Lily, I'm going
to The Captain's right now!
I'm gonna make this right!
I'm gonna get
you that job!
No, Marshall...
You're getting that job!
You can just make it out
to Liddy Gates.
That's L-I-D-D-Y.
L-I, two D's...
double D...
two D's... -Y.
Well, here is the final
menu, as we discussed,
but let me be clear.
You're the boss;
I'm here to serve you.
So if there's anything
you want me to remove,
just tell me to remove it
and it's gone.
I'll remove
anything you want.
That sounds like a sound policy.
Up to you, whatever you feel like.
That's a good...
That's a good thing to know.
That's fine, you can
remove whatever you want.
I'm serious, and I won't be
offended; you want it gone,
I'll take it right off.
Is it hot in here?
It's not cold.
You know what?
It's hot; it's sticky.
It's not... It's like
Bikram, right?
We're yoga buddies.
♪ Yoga buddies.
Well, I'll let you
guys read the menu.
- Can you point me to the...
- Coat rack?
...restroom?
Uh, it's right over there.
But it's hard to pee
in a giant coat.
Okay, what's going on?
Why are you guys being
so weird?
Ted says that Liddy has
a ridonkulous body,
but there's no way of
verifying
because she
won't take off the coat!
Is that why
it's so hot in here?
Did you pay Carl
to turn up the heat again?
Well, yes.
But I was curious.
I want to get that
coat on the rack
so I can see the rack
that's under the coat.
My God.
I have been wondering
the same thing.
I mean, she never takes
that coat off.
Whatever she's smuggling
under there
has to be thermonuclear.
I bet she has WBDs.
Weapons of bra destruction.
Thank you.
This, this is why
you're the coolest
fiancée ever.
So, Ted, when you
say ridonkulous...
I can't even describe it.
It'd be like trying to explain
a rainbow to a blind person.
Is she single?
Why don't you ask her out?
Actually, I almost did
the first time we met,
before she took off that coat.
Sandstorm?
Dubai? That hoodie?
I mean, it's ridonkulous.
Oh, I know.
I so want to see it again.
Well, hey, I mean,
maybe after this,
if you're not doing anything.
Totally, and maybe later,
we could get a bite to eat.
There's this great place
that's super close.
No, I...
No, I... No.
It was just too much.
Indiana Jones wouldn't look
at this body.
This is a body
that would melt a Nazi's face.
Oh, man, I want
my face to melt.
It's too bad
Marshall isn't here.
Why Marshall?
'Cause he could just say...
Hey, Liddy,
why don't you take
off that coat?
<i>And Liddy would be all...
Sure, should I take
my shirt off, too?
No, the coat's
probably enough.
And he'd get away with it.
You know why? No stink.
You obviously haven't split
a cab with him after basketball.
No, I don't mean
"physical stink."
I mean the pheromonal stink
a guy gives off when
he's desperate for action
to a pathetic degree.
You know, like Ted.
I have stink?
Bro, you dipped in stink.
If Liddy came back to
the table and you said...
Uh, Liddy,
why don't you, uh,
take off that coat?
You want me to take my coat off?
How about instead,
I take off your face?
Ow!
Ow, oh!
<i>Really?
You had to have her beat me up?
She's not done, Ted.
<i>Ghost Protocol
wasn't that good!
Marshall, on the other hand,
girls take one
look and just know
there's a guy who's met
the girl of his dreams
and wants to spend
the rest of his life
with her and only her.
So why don't you ask her?
Pardon me?
Aren't you
a guy who's met
the girl of his dreams
and wants to spend
the rest of his life with her
and only her?
Of course, baby.
So why don't you ask her
to take her coat off?
Um...
<i>And you never even
saw Ghost Protocol.
So, the big day's
coming up.
How are you guys feeling?
I talked to the caterer,
and the mini lamb shanks
are gonna be amazing.
Oh, by the way,
I talked to the florist,
and the violets
<i>- are gonna be gorgeous.
- Okay, Barney. You can do this.
<i>Just say it. Say it.
...little ones and big ones...
<i>Say it.
Hey, Liddy, do you want
to take off your coat?
Sure.
<i>I did it! I proved to myself
and everyone else
<i>that I have no desire
to be with any other woman.
<i>I am completely immune
to every other...
<i>Holy crap!
And it was, indeed,
ridonkulous.
And we got to see it,
all thanks
to this lovely lady
right here.
Robin, thanks to you,
I can now walk up to any girl
and say whatever creepy,
disgusting thing I want
and totally get away with it.
Mm.
Man!
I think I'm gonna
like being married.
Hello?
Ahoy.
Ahoy, Lily.
I just had a long talk
with your husband.
He convinced me to offer you
that job in Rome again.
How do you respond?
Thanks,
but the answer is still no.
Lily, why the hell did you
turn that down again.
Because I 'd have to get
a new passport photo.
And I'd miss out
on New York in August.
Unless they open
the Shake Shop in a box.
Lily, what's
the real reason?
What if we moved to Rome...
What's so funny?
I'm uh sorry.
I can't believe you paid a
10 million euro this painting.
Why not?
This is not even a painting.
I spin my plate, it's gonna
fill a blank canvas.
It's like a toilet.
It just make you look uh
stupida.
Lily, you're fired.
What?
But no. I-I...it's still
a great painting.
I like what it says about
the structure in society
and the changing
worlds of women.
I used to be
an art consultant.
Hey baby. It's time for
Marvin's, uh, bottle.
And it's all because
I screwed up and through away
a perfectly comfortable
life here in New York.
Lily, you're not going
to screw up.
You know what, just please,
just leave it alone.
Besides,
deep down, I don't think
Marshall's even excited
about Italy.
<i>At that very moment
in little Italy.
<i>Marron!
I can't wait for
my wedding day.
I mean, there is no way
that Liddy is gonna be wearing
that coat, right?
Right?
"Barney Stinson, do you hope
she wears something slinky
and backless?"
"I do."
Okay, can I just say something
as your best man?
Be careful.
What do you mean?
You just... you haven't
been acting like a guy
who's about to get married,
and I know you think it's okay
because Robin's so cool,
but I'm telling you,
she's not as cool
as you think she is.
Oh, I see.
And you'd know this
because you know Robin
better than I do.
You know what she appreciates
better than her own fiancé.
I'm just saying,
if I was getting married
in three weeks...
But you're not getting married
in three weeks, Ted.
I am.
Robin's marrying me, not you.
You're right.
Not my place.
Why don't I get the next round?
So... how many times are you
gonna say no to your dream job?
I'm just trying
to plan my day.
I'm a scaredy-cat, okay?
I want to be the type
of person that
just charges fearlessly
into the unknown,
but I came back
two weeks early from Paris
because I was lonely.
I went to San Francisco,
and I was never more depressed
in my life.
I'm small town, Marshall.
I'm a hick from Brooklyn
who's terrified of living
more than ten subway stops
from where I was born.
Okay, Lily, if I can move
from St. Cloud, Minnesota,
to New York City,
then you can move to Rome.
We know nothing about Italy.
We have no friends there.
We don't speak the language.
Okay, so you know
that one sentence.
Can you say anything else?
That-that was the same sentence.
You just changed the inflection.
I love you, too.
All right.
We're going to Italy.
<i>Si!
You may not know this yet,
but, um,
I've already done some shopping.
Welcome home.
Oh... You are so cool,
but not for long.
== sync, corrected by <font color="#00FF00">elderman</font> ==