Kids, sometimes your relationship
goes so smoothly for so long
that you think it will be
that way forever.
It never is.
Well, we just had our first fight.
We had our first fight.
Oh, no, what'd you fight about?
Oh, no, what'd you fight about?
A few months ago,
my architecture firm was approached
to design this new building...
It's this big skyscraper
in Spokane.
It'd be a huge project
for his firm.
And if we don't get it,
we could go under.
So anyway, the head architect
unveils his new design
to the whole company.
- No.
- No.
Yes.
All skyscrapers
kind of look like a...
Marshall,
it's a 78-story pink marble tower
with a rounded top
and two spherical
entryways at the front.
Wow, so it's the whole package.
- Yeah, you did.
- Had to.
Oh, dude, if they're selling condos,
you got to get me in.
And don't give me the shaft.
- Yeah, you did.
- Had to.
It's a travesty.
It's gonna define
the skyline of the city.
If it was me, I could've
designed something amazing.
Instead, I'm spending 12 hours
a day designing the cornices.
- Yeah, you did.
- That wasn't one.
So you and Ted
had your first fight.
It obviously ended well.
I mean, you're here with me.
Actually,
it didn't end at all.
I started getting bummed out,
so I came here.
It's what I do.
When my grandma died,
I got a perm.
Ooh, two tragedies in one day.
The thing is,
Ted has been literally
complaining about work
nonstop for weeks.
So, when I came over today,
I was kind of done.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- How was your day?
- Good.
Wow, you're a great interviewer.
Aren't you gonna ask
how my day was?
No, I know how it was.
It was awful.
Ooh, you want to rent
a movie tonight?
You know, um...
I listen to your work
stories all the time.
Yeah, but...
and I don't want to be rude here,
but my work stories
are interesting.
I'm a television news reporter.
- Robin...
- What?
I knew exactly
what he was going to say.
I was just helping him
get there faster.
You should work
at a suicide hotline.
And then it got ugly.
What I don't do is tell you
the same story over and over again.
I mean, you wouldn't
watch the same movie
over and over again, would you?
Maybe a great movie
like Die Hard.
But Field of Dreams?
Once is more than enough.
So that's your go-to bad movie?
The number one example
on the tip of your tongue
of a bad movie is
Field of Dreams?
It's about
ghost baseball players.
I think it's stupid.
So, now he's all mad at me
about the stupid movie.
Robin, he's upset because
you wouldn't listen to him,
not because you didn't like
some movie.
How do you not like
Field of Dreams?!
Listening is the foundation
of a relationship.
And if he's really droning on,
you can always practice
saying the alphabet backwards.
You know, in case
you get pulled over for a DUI.
I guess I don't know
how to do that.
Yeah, it's really hard,
even when you're sober.
That's what I tried
to explain to the cop.
No, I mean, I guess I don't know
how to do this girlfriend thing.
I've never been in a relationship
this serious before.
I should probably go tell him
I'm sorry, shouldn't I?
You're trying to do it right now,
aren't you?
What the hell comes before "Q"?
Then at the end of the movie when
he has a catch with his dad, like...
like he never did when he was
young enough for it to matter.
Can we talk about something else?
You know what, dude?
Forget about Robin, okay?
You're hanging with us tonight.
I've got an awome party lined up.
Oh, God.
This gonna be another one
of your weird all-guy parties?
That was a poker game.
What is wrong with you?
No, it's the first law school
party of the year
and it's gonna be awesome.
I haven't seen this guys since,
like, last year
before Lily and I broke up.
So I'm gonna have
to break the news to everybody.
It's really gonna bum them out.
This party's gonna suck.
Well, love to join you at that one.
But I got tickets to Foxy Boxing.
I wish I could join you guys,
but I got to get back
to my apparently boring job.
- Your job's not boring.
- Robin thinks so.
Dude, lots of chicks
think architects are hot.
Think about it,
you create something out of nothing.
You're like God.
There's nobody hotter than God.
I love it when you quote Scripture.
I'm telling you, you should use
the architect angle with the ladies.
Okay, first of all,
I have a girlfriend.
Second, the architect angle
doesn't even work on her.
And, third, I can't imagine
that working on anyone ever.
That's 'cause you're always like...
Ted Mosby, architect.
If it were me, I'd be like...
Ted Mosby, architect.
Anything sounds impressive when
it's said with the right attitude.
Marshall Ericksen.
Recently dumped
and heading to a lame party.
Whoa. Whoa, ladies,
please take it easy.
There's enough of me for everyone.
Oh. Hi. Hello.
All right. We're gonna take off..
Wait up, I'll leave with you guys.
Ted Mosby, architect.
Trust me.
Hey, just out of curiosity.
If a guy told you
he was an architect,
what would you think of that?
Are you kidding?
Architects are hot.
How do you think Mr. Brady
scored a babe like Carol?
Solid point.
She did have hair of gold.
- Yes, she did.
- Mm-hmm.
Hey, Carl, is Ted still here?
No.
Hey, Lily.
- You still single?
- Yes.
You know... I've poured a lot of
free drinks for you over the years.
A lot.
Carl, do you really want
to be with a woman
who would trade sex for beer?
Only if you're into it.
It's on me.
Thanks.
I wonder where Ted went.
Ted Mosby, the architect?
Actually, yeah.
Oh, he is such a cool guy.
He was here earlier.
And what made you decide
you wanted to become an architect?
Well, you know, soul of an artist,
hands of a master craftsman.
It was inevitable, I guess.
I bet you can draw, can't you?
You should draw me.
Well, I could try, but you might end up
looking like a midcentury tri-level.
Hey. If you want, my friend Marshall
invited me to this party we could all go to.
Marshall's great.
He's just a lawyer,
but somebody has to push the paper
around for us creative types.
- Am I right?
- Yeah.
He asked her to a party.
Oh, my God, are you okay?
Okay? It's awesome.
It's a win-win.
Ted got to vent
and I don't have to hear it.
Maybe after he's done with
the talkie-talk, he'll come over
and I'll get the fun part.
What is wrong with you?
God, I feel like I'm teaching
love as a second language here.
Okay, you know how when
he tells you boring work stories
you're supposed to listen?
Well, when he picks up
some random girl at a bar,
you're supposed to freak out.
I'm not freaking out
because in my mind, she's fat.
She's a kickboxing instructor.
Her ass looks better than my face.
All right, we'll swing by the party.
Now the party was for
some of Marshall's classmates
from Columbia Law School,
who by day were some of the sharpest
and most serious
young legal minds in the country.
By night, however...
Damn, these are some
drunk almost-lawyers.
Okay! Seriously...
who wants to shave my ass?!
That guy went on to become
a Supreme Court justice.
Okay, where are
the guys and the hooker?
Yo, what's up, ladies?
Welcome to the party. Yeah!
Just need you to sign
this release protecting the host
from any and all responsibility
should you harm yourself
or a third party.
Then freakin' rage! Yeah!
Hey, drunk legal dude, um...
have you seen Marshall Ericksen?
He was with a guy named Ted.
You mean Ted Mosby, the architect?
Man, what a visionary.
Yeah, they were here.
Awards are nice,
they look good on my shelf.
But none of that acclaim means
anything compared to the joy
of seeing the sun rise over
your first building.
Wow.
I would love to watch
the sun rise with you.
I know you would.
It's the job.
Dude. You should let us
shave your ass tonight.
No way.
Hey, Marshall, where's Lily?
I didn't want to ruin the party
for everybody this early, but, uh...
everyone take a seat.
Um... Lily actually called off
the wedding this summer
to go to San Francisco.
So...
we're broken up.
Her name wasn't on
your lease, was it?
'Cause if not, New York state law,
you're not obligated
to give her half the deposit
when you move.
Yeah, that's not really the part
I was worried about, guys.
And don't forget the precedent set
by Smith v. Rosenblatt, '74.
Any personal effects she left
in your house or dwelling
become yours after 30 days.
Guys, can we cease and desist
with the lawyer speak for a minute?
Love died.
The love that made you all believe
in love, that's dead now.
You should sue her.
Uh, really? On what ground, Kara?
On the grounds of... shut up.
That's our attorney general.
See? Marshall's still hung up
on our breakup.
Why? Because I listened to him.
It was a strong
and nurturing relationship
that I threw away like old gum.
Not that I'm worried or anything,
but, um, back to the sun rising
over Ted and, uh... oh,
what tasteful way did you describe her?
The girl with the smackable ass.
Yes, that's the young lady.
So, I know the bouncer
at this techno club, Posers.
Do you feel like dancing?
Yeah, okay.
There is no way Ted went dancing.
Ted hates clubs.
Hell, yeah. I love clubs.
I mean, I was going to design
a cathedral tonight,
kind of take a whack at the whole
relationship between God and man conundrum.
But sure, let's go dancing.
Wait, let me just check
with my friend.
Okay.
Hey, Marshall. You up for
some super loud, repetitive music
that hasn't changed
since the mid-90s?
Um... only always.
Let's go.
Dancing?
He went dancing with this girl?
Okay, maybe this is a little bad.
Dancing is bad.
Dancing leads to sex.
Did you grow up
in that Footloose town?
I'm calling him.
I'm telling him that I was wrong
and I'm sorry, and I totally want to
listen to his stupid stories.
Yeah, think of another way
to phrase that and you'll be fine.
He's not answering.
Calling Marshall.
Hello.
Marshall, hi, it's Robin.
Can I talk to Ted?
Oh, Robin, hi.
Um, no, Ted's not here tonight.
He's, uh... he's working.
Uh, okay. Bye.
Marshall just lied.
Ted's cheating on me.
Excuse me. I'm looking for
a couple guys who came in here earlier.
One's about six-four, 210,
sandy brown hair.
And the other's a cheating bastard.
You're going to need
to refresh my memory.
Okay, fella, baby knows
how this game's played.
How's a $20 help your memory?
Thanks, but seriously,
it was crazy tonight.
You really do need
to refresh my memory.
Then can I have the...?
That's cool. You keep that.
So these guys--
one of them's an architect.
Ted Mosby, the architect?
That's the one.
Oh, yeah, he was here.
And then I was all, "No, Frank Gehry.
You're on your own this time."
And that, my dear,
was the end of that hack's career.
I live across the street.
That is one hell of a non sequitur.
You want to come over?
Well, I don't know.
But I suppose I should at least
give you a ride home.
Hop on.
I'll see you at book club, Vinny.
- Yeah. I'll be bringing the crudités.
- Nice.
Dude, dude, what are you doing?
Galloping.
You proved it, all right? The whole
Ted Mosby, architect things works.
Architects rule! Whoo-hee!
Aren't you a little worried
that a certain somebody
might find out that
you're doing this?
This isn't you, Ted.
It is tonight.
Whoo!
You know this girl.
Where does she live?
I'm not telling you that
for less than 20 bucks.
- Well, I'm out of money.
- I'm cashed, too.
I'll take your purse.
My purse?
Yeah, my girl likes clutches.
Okay, fine.
You should tell her that looks
really good with a chocolate boot.
Bitch is lucky I brought
my small purse.
No room for my gun. Here.
Now where does the rodeo slut live?
The building with the green light,
apartment 3-C.
Oh, my God, Robin,
are you going to kick
this girl's ass?
Yeah...
and steal her purse.
I can't believe
he's cheating on me.
You know how many times
I could have cheated?
Six... no seven.
And you know two of them,
and they would surprise you.
3-C, let's do this. You ready?
Should I just kick the door in?
Those are really nice heels
and you already lost the purse.
Let's see if it's unlocked.
It's unlocked.
Okay, get in there
and kick some spankable ass.
Robin.
- I'm the problem.
- What?
You were right.
I don't know how to be a girlfriend.
I took the nicest guy in the world
and I made him a cheater.
Well, don't stand out here
and beat yourself up.
Get in there and beat Ted up.
I'll handle the slutty kickboxer.
Actually, I'll take Ted.
- Let's do this.
- Bring it.
What do you think you're...?
Barney?
Thank God you're here.
Can you help with this? I need nails.
Okay, I'm totally lost here.
Where's Ted?
Ted? He's at work.
How did you get here?
Awesome story. As per usual.
How do you think Mr. Brady
scored a babe like Carol?
Solid point.
- And she did have hair of gold.
- Yes, she did.
Sorry, I forgot my binocs
for Foxy Boxing.
Whoo, looks like things just got
a little foxier right here.
Yes, they did.
And you're just in time.
Girls, I got to go, but I'm leaving you
in very good, if slightly sullied hands.
Don't go. We don't even know your name
to look out for your buildings.
Yeah, stay.
Excuse us for one second.
Okay, you were right--
the architect thing totally works.
But I've got a girlfriend
and I've got to get back to work.
This project is getting
harder and harder.
- Yeah, you did.
- Yeah, had to.
See ya.
Sorry, my, uh...
intern had to leave.
Oh, well, that's too bad.
I'm Anna, by the way.
Ted Mosby... architect.
But none of that acclaim means
anything compared to the joy
of seeing the sun rise
over your first building.
- Dude, dude, what are you doing?
- Galloping.
All right, you proved it. The whole
Ted Mosby, architect thing works.
Architects rule! Whoo-hoo.
Aren't you afraid a certain somebody
might find out about this?
I mean, this isn't you, Ted.
It is tonight.
And that led to a couple of hours
that I cannot, as a gentleman,
divulge to you.
We did it right here,
and here and here.
But why would you use
Ted's name?
I've had some recent bad press
on the World Wide Web.
So I'm taking a T.O. on the whole
"using my real name" thing.
Oh, this is great.
It wasn't Ted. Everything's okay.
Everything isn't okay.
Look at me. I'm acting crazy
and jealous and paranoid.
This is how people act
in relationships.
And that's why
I avoid relationships.
Well, guess what,
I haven't been crazy or jealous
or paranoid in months,
and I really miss it.
And thus ended this chapter of,
"Let's pour our hearts out
in the bedroom of Barney's
one-night stand."
Come on, let's go before
she gets out of the shower.
You're such a pig.
You're not even going to say good-bye?
I'll have you know
I composed a lovely form letter
for use in just such an occasion.
Just fill out her name and then...
Something with a "A."
A... A...
I'll just put "resident."
Go, go, go, go.
Robin took a long walk that night.
She thought about how opening
yourself up to another person
usually means opening yourself up
to going a little crazy.
She thought about how much easier
it was just to be alone.
And then she came to see me.
# And I am nothing of a builder #
# But here I dreamt I was an architect... #
Hey.
Hey.
- What are you doing here?
- I brought donuts.
And I don't want to brag,
but they're filled with jelly.
Thanks.
So, uh... how was your night?
It was... fine. Nothing exciting.
How was yours?
You really want to hear about
boring architect stuff?
Yes, I do.
I'm sorry about earlier.
To tell you the truth, I never
even saw all of Field of Dreams.
I fell asleep half way through.
What? The best part's
the last 20 minutes.
Well, maybe they should have moved that
part up a little bit earlier, 'cause...
You know what, um...
What I'm trying to say is...
I love being the person
you bitch to.
So how was your day,
Mr. Architect?
Oh, I like the way
you say that.
Hey, you want to see
the building
that will make every man
in Spokane feel inadequate?
Obviously.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
You know, you didn't mention
all the foliage around the base.
If you trim that back,
the rest would look bigger.
You don't have to tell me.
And, um... just for fun, I've...
I've sort of been working on my own idea
of what I think the building should be.
What do you think?
You know that time we went to Spokane
and I pointed out that skyscraper?
That was the first building
I ever designed.
And that night was the first time
I showed anyone my first drawing of it.
Wow.
Ted, this is amazing.
Thanks.
It's not like it will ever
come to anything.
I don't know.
It might come to something.
You know, girls find
architects very hot.
Okay,
but I don't want you expecting
78 stories or anything.
"Dear Resident...
The time we spent together,
however long it was,
meant the world to me.
I would love to see you again,
but unfortunately, I cannot.
You see, I am a ghost.
I can't only materialize
once every decade
on the anniversary of my death.
I chose to spend my one day among
the living with you,
sweet... Resident.
Perhaps we will meet again
in another decade,
provided you keep your figure.
Until then, all my love
from the beyond.
Barney."
Barney?
Who the hell is Barney?
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