Ladies and gentlemen,
for the first time ever
Mr. and Marshall Eriksen
and Lily Aldrin.
Does it make you kind of sad that
we don't share the same last name?
You know, in a totally evolved
21st-century kind of way,
yeah, a little.
You know what we should do?
We should come up with
a whole new last name.
Oh, that's easy--
Lily and Marshall Skywalker.
Lily and Marshall Hasselhoff.
I got it. You ready?
- You ready?
- Yeah.
Lily and Marshall Awesome.
Have you met the Awesomes?
Marshall, Lily, their son,
Totally and their daughter, Freakin'?
I love you, Mr. Awesome.
I love you, Mrs. Awesome.
- So...
- So...
Wedding's over.
Yes, it is.
I guess starting tomorrow,
we can tell people.
Tell people what?
Hi, Barney.
Tell people what?
The food looks delicious,
doesn't it?
Tell people what?
Nothing.
Oh, okay. Tell people what?
Can we talk about this later?
Absolutely. Tell people what?
- Hi. Have you met Barney?
- Hey. Barney Stinson.
Lovely dress.
I know, I'm sick of these things, too.
It's like the same wedding over and
over again. You're totally right.
You want to dance? Great,
see you out there. Tell people what?
Look, this is just not something we want
to talk about right now, okay, Barney?
Okay.
Whoo, that was a close one.
Think he'll actually let it go?
Tell people what?
Tell people what? Tell people what?
Tell people what?
Tell people...
There's a black Nissan Stanza in
the parking lot with it's lights on.
Tell people what?
Tell people what?
Subtitles : Willow's Team
Transcript : Raceman
www.forom.com
Can I get a water please?
- Tell people what?
- Oh, God! Okay.
Look, we have some... news.
But we don't want to draw attention
away from Lily and Marshall's big day.
So just forget about it until
they leave for the honeymoon.
Fine.
- It's pretty big, though.
- Oh, my God, just tell me!
- Oh, help us.
- What's wrong?
We're starving.
We planned this amazing
meal with the caterers,
and we haven't
had a bite of it.
Every time we get near the food,
we get cocktail weiner blocked.
Marshall!
We haven't eaten all day.
All right,
let's run some interference.
Yeah, we'll get you back to your table.
Come on.
Oh, there you are.
My dear, you look so beautiful.
Thanks, Grammie,
but we really need to...
And you...
you look like a 1940s movie star.
And you look like a pepper-crusted
rack of lamb with mint jelly.
All right,
let's get these two back to their table.
We will see you on the floor for
the conga line later, won't we?
The answer to that one
was decided weeks earlier.
Conga line.
Oh, yes, definitely.
How about a slide show of
you guys through the years
set to Green Day's
"Time of Your Life"
and ending with your baby
photos side by side.
Oh, that's great.
Going on the list.
What list?
Horrible wedding clichés we're not going
to touch with a ten-foot limbo pole.
Oh, like First Corinthians?
That Bible verse?
They do that at every wedding.
How's it go?
"Love is patient and kind.
"Love does not envy or boast.
"It is not arrogant or rude.
"Love does not insist
on it's own way.
"It is not irritable
or resentful.
"Love bears all things,
"believes all things,
"hopes all things...
"endures all things."
- Lame.
- Going on the list.
We've done it.
A wedding with zero clichés.
Wait, isn't doing it in the reception
hall bathroom kind of a cliché?
Well, okay, one cliché.
Well, technically two.
No! They cleared
our plates again!
Pepper-crusted rack of lamb,
where did you go?!
It's my wedding night.
I was supposed to have my way with you.
Well, you still have me.
Yeah...
Anyway, guys, we're kind of
in the middle of something,
so if you could go bicker or
share a tense, sexless silence
or whatever married people do
somewhere else, that'd be great.
No, Barney, this is my wedding,
and I will sit wherever
I damn well...
Are those mini quiches?
Tell the secret.
Okay, uh...
it was our anniversary,
so we went to this
restaurant Carmichael's,
which is where we went
on our first date.
Remember, the place where I stole
the blue French horn for Robin?
Oh, right, that was you.
I knew that was
somebody I knew.
What?
Dude, you were there.
That was like a big iconic
moment in all of our lives.
Maybe in your life--
I got a lot of stuff going on.
Okay, so we're sitting there
and the waiter comes over...
Champagne?
Um, we didn't order champagne.
Compliments of the house.
Wow.
Thanks.
Cheers.
And there, sitting at the bottom
of my champagne glass is...
Mini quiche.
You're a mega-douche.
Oh, that's right, they moved that
table back toward the kitchen,
because that's where they're setting
up a surprise chocolate fountain.
Oh, no, I gave it away.
So what was in the glass?
Right.
So the waiter comes up
with two glasses of Dom.
He says, "Champagne?"
"We didn't order any champagne."
"Compliments of
the house." "Wow."
You said that already!
Right. So Robin looks down,
and there at the
bottom of her glass...
Is an engagement ring.
Anything you want to say
to the bride and groom?
Don't get married.
Why don't I come back.
An engagement ring?
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Ted, you cannot do
this to me. No.
No, no, no!
That's what she said.
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
Ted, you cannot do this to me.
No. No, no, no.
What are you talking about?
This. This is what I'm talking about.
What is this doing in my champagne?
Oh, God, listen...
I just got to get out of here.
That's not mine.
What?
That's not mine.
Then whose is it?
It's mine.
Janna...
will you marry me?
Yes.
Wow.
That was hilarious.
I was like... what?
Anyway.
What the hell was that?
What the hell was what?
That reaction?
I thought you were
proposing to me.
Really? Because it sounded like you
thought I was trying to set you on fire.
Ted, you know how I
feel about marriage.
Now more than ever.
I'm sorry,
were you planning on proposing tonight?
No.
Then why is this an issue?
Because even though you
don't want to get married,
I'd like to think the fact that
we've been together for a year,
and that we love each other
might get me a gentler reaction
than, "No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
"Ted, you cannot do this to me.
"No. No, no, no."
Okay, you're right, I just...
freaked out.
I don't know why.
I'm sorry.
Can we please just let it go?
No.
Hey, Stinson.
Never lie to a man about
a chocolate fountain.
So did you guys find
anything to eat?
I had four strawberries.
Was there a side of champagne
with each of the strawberries?
Yes.
Lily, you could have burped
or said the word "Yes,"
but the fact that you did both
is exactly why I married you.
Oh, look, more strawberries!
So what happened next?
- Ted, don't do this.
- No, seriously.
Where do you see
yourself in five years?
Where do you see yourself?
Honestly, in five years...
I probably want to be married.
And I probably want
to be in Argentina.
- Argentina?
- Or Tokyo, or Paris.
Look, Ted, I don't know where
I'm going to be in five years.
And I don't want to know.
I want my life to be an adventure.
We have an expiration date,
don't we?
Oh, my God.
You guys broke up.
You guys broke up.
I can't believe it.
Barney...
story's not over.
Can we please not talk about this here.
Can we go home?
Yeah, of course.
Uh, excuse me, I'm sorry about this.
Can we actually...
Oh, my God, it's you.
Wha... what?
You're the son of a bitch who
stole our blue French horn.
Run!
Run? Your strategy was run?
It was a perfectly good idea.
They didn't have our
credit card information.
They didn't know us from Adam.
I stand by it.
Yeah?
And how did that
work out for you?
I don't see why they had to keep
my credit card and driver's license
till we bring the horn back.
Well, come on, Ted,
can you blame them?
Look, I'm sorry about
the French horn.
I want to make this right.
So what we're going to do right now is,
we're going to run!
So... Argentina.
Argentina.
Why is this the first
I've heard of Argentina?
Mmm, American schools
suck at geography.
What would be the point in telling
you that I want to live in Argentina?
You don't want to live there.
I could want to
live in Argentina.
No, you couldn't.
I mean,
you life is here and your career.
I'm a journalist,
my career could take me anywhere,
and I hope it does.
Hey. I could be an
architect anywhere, too.
They have buildings
in Argentina.
And Paris. And even Tokyo.
I don't know if you ever saw Godzilla, but
he wasn't knocking down a bunch of tents.
So, what? You're saying you
want to move to Argentina?
Well, I always regretted not taking
a year in college to live abroad.
I just finished a
big project at work.
I got some money saved up.
If ever there were a time in my life to
do something like this, it's right now.
Let's move to Argentina.
Oh, shut up.
You're scared
I might not be kidding.
Aren't you?
Nope.
Your move, Scherbatsky.
Okay.
Let's do it--
let's move to Argentina.
No es posible!
Nobody moves to Argentina.
The Argentinean peso has dropped
two-thirds in five years,
the government is opposed
to free market reforms,
and the railroad has been a mess since
the breakup of Ferrocarriles Argentinos.
I hooked up with an
Argentinean exchange student
in a Porta-John
outside Yankee Stadium.
Man, she was chatty.
Right? Right?
You caught the bouquet?
Barney.
The story's not over yet.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- What?
I don't know if I
can do this to you.
Do what?
Well, you say you want
to move to Argentina,
but you want to have kids.
Oh, right.
'Cause there are no kids there.
On Santa's map of the world,
there's a big black "X" over Argentina.
- You know what I mean.
- No, I don't.
Okay, say we had kids.
They wouldn't have to grow
up in some suburb somewhere.
They would grow up on the road
having adventures with us.
Think of all the Hard Rock Cafe
T-shirts they could collect.
Ted, you know that kids were
never a part of my plan.
But if I was going to
have someone's babies,
I'd have your babies.
That's when you run.
Tell me you ran, Ted.
Wait, wait, wait. We don't want to
start having babies right this second.
Do you have a...?
No, I don't.
Well, we probably shouldn't.
Yeah.
- Risk it?
- Risk it.
No.
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
if you're all gather around,
Lily and Marshall are
going to cut the cake.
No. Robin, you're not...
No, say the story's not over.
Come on,
they're cutting the cake.
Say the story's not over!
Oh, God, this is the 12th most worried
I've ever been that someone's pregnant.
Okay, Lily.
I'm really hungry, so let's just,
uh, aim for my mouth, okay?
Besides, the smearing the cake
thing's a cliché, remember?
No, it's going to be so funny.
Lily.
Lily, just feed me the cake.
Please, baby, I am so hungry.
Whoopsy-daisy.
And she's okay.
- She's all right.
- That was funny.
And it's time for
the honeymoon.
Guys, guys, guys.
Thank you so much.
We love you.
I love you.
Getting married, having kids.
It's all a mistake.
It's a horrible, horrible mistake.
God, this guy's
giving me nothing.
All right,
have fun in Scotland.
If you see the Loch Ness Monster,
tell him Ted Mosby says, "What's up?"
Nessie's a she, Ted, come on.
Hey, kiddo.
You are going to miss out
on a lot of awesome stuff.
You'll be at home with the kid
while I am out awesome-ing
all over the place.
And you're going to get fat.
The story's not over, Barney.
Okay, time to get the
horn back to the bistro.
Oh, Ted, I don't know if I can go again.
That tuckered me out.
Not a euphemism.
Right. Okay, let me just go change,
and we'll leave.
Whoa, whoa,
you get to change and I don't? Uh-uh.
Solidarity, sister.
That is crazy. I have a change of
clothes and you don't. Suck it up.
Well, if we'd actually moved in
together, all my stuff would be here,
but we didn't, so...
Yeah.
We were all talk, weren't we?
We're not doing this, are we?
I don't want to have
kids in Argentina.
And I don't want to
have kids in Argentina.
So where does that leave us?
Well...
we could stay together and...
pretend this stuff
doesn't matter.
Or...
we could give back
the blue French horn.
You stole a blue
French horn for me.
I would have stolen
you a whole orchestra.
You did break up.
Yep.
You're not pregnant?
Nope.
An-And Marshall and
Lily don't know?
Well, afterwards, uh,
we came by to tell you guys,
but Lily was pretty
stressed out, so...
We decided not to say anything
till after the wedding.
You guys okay?
Well, it hasn't been the easiest
two weeks of our lives, but...
But we're okay.
The open bar helps.
- Excuse me, Miss.
- Hi.
Could I have this dance?
Well, we knew this day
would come eventually.
Take care of her, little man.
This is by far the drunkest
I've ever seen you.
Uh, driver.
Hello!
Ranjit.
Hey, can we make a stop before
we head back to the hotel?
You do not have to stop.
You can be together as man
and wife right back there,
and because we are friends...
I will not watch.
Um, no,
we actually had something else in mind.
Okay.
Lily, go sit down.
Welcome to Wienerburger.
Hi.
Can we get a number one,
please, with no pickles?
And a number four
with no onions.
Let me guess.
Jefferson High prom?
No.
But thank you.
Actually, we just got married.
- Wow. Congratulations.
- Thank you.
That's $7.80.
- Hey, dude.
- Yeah.
I don't know how to say this, but
your wife just threw up in the trash.
My wife.
So Marshall and
Lily were married,
and Robin and I were broken up.
And as hard as it
was at the time,
in the end we both
got what we wanted.
She did eventually go
on to live in Argentina
and Morocco and Greece, Russia,
even Japan for a little while.
And I... well, I met your mom.
I think for the most part if
you're really honest with yourself
about what you
want out of life,
life gives it to you.
Of course, at that moment, all I
really wanted was a scotch and soda
and a cigar.
I'm really sorry
about you and Robin.
I know I was always joking around
about wanting you two to break up,
but you were really
good together.
Yeah...
we were.
She just wasn't the one,
you know?
The one. Oh, Ted, no.
Do not tell me you're going to
start searching for "the one" again.
The only time I want to
hear you saying "the one"
is if it's followed by the
word "hundredth." What up?
No, I need a break
from all that, I...
I just want to get out there and
have fun for a while, you know?
Really?
'Cause...
you know, you've been in
a relationship for a year.
You're going to...
be a little rusty.
- Yeah.
- I'm just saying...
you're gonna need, need,
need some help out there.
Could be.
Ted?
Yes, Barney.
Do you think...
Do you think maybe you might...
need a wingman again?
I do.
Yes!
Yes! We're back.
We are back.
And Ted, my boy,
it's going to be legend...
Wait for it.
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