How I Met Your Mother - S06E07 - Canning Randy

And so, due to one
architectural oversight,
the Toledo Bridge Disaster of 1906
claimed the lives of 75 people.
Now, I hate to stop
while I'm on a roll,
but happy Halloween, ya crazies!
Professor Brosby, you gonna
come get beers with us later?
Nah, I got a thing.
But you kids have fun
trick or treating.
This is our treat.
You're the coolest, Professor Mosby.
Well, hot dog.
- Did it hurt?
- What?
Getting that kid's nose
surgically removed from your ass.
It's not her nose
that's in my ass, Lily,
it's her heart.
My class loves me.
I'm really making
an impression on those guys.
I'd like to make impression
on those guys.
Man, I love the office
Halloween party.
It is so much sluttier
than the office Christmas party.
Though not as freaky
as the office President's Day Rave.
Or the office Tu B'Shvat
Pajama Jammy-Jam.
Hey, guys.
Hey, Boss.
Hey, Randy.
You want a beer?
No, thank you. I brew my own.
At the risk of bragging,
my Hazelnut Pilsner won fourth prize
at the Weehawken Retirement Home Clam
Bake and Wheelchair Maintenance Picnic.
I wouldn't consider any
part of that bragging.
It just occurred to me,
is your friend...
What's her name? Garbin, Flabin...
Robin. That's it, yeah. Is she gonna
be here? Not that I really care.
Robin has another party to go to.
No! Damn it!
- I'm leaving.
- But she might stop by later.
I guess I can
hang out a little longer.
So, anyone going to see
the Halloween parade?
<i>We were big fans of New York's
annual Halloween parade.
<i>I don't mean the one that takes place
Halloween night in the Village.
<i>I mean the one that takes place
the morning of November 1st...
<i>the Annual Post Halloween
Walk of Shame Parade.
Look at them heading home
after their dirty, filthy hookups.
Looks like that bee got busy.
Looks like that French maid
didn't turn down somebody's bed.
Looks like Pocahontas
has a couple of wounded knees.
- Come on.
- That's a line.
- It's because of the...
- We get it.
Does it get any better than this?
Yes, it does.
Crap.
<i>Team Who's this fucking mother?
Synchronisation:
Kyros, MiniBen314, Titou, Strex
Adaptation:
Dark_Chii, H3AV3N, Titou, TTT
Relecture: MiniBen314, Titou
6x07 - Canning Randy (1.00)
.:: www.sous-titres.eu ::.
There she is...
Florence-Night-In-Bed
With-A-Stranger.
- So, who's the lucky patient?
- I don't want to talk about it.
Please tell me you're not hooking up
with one of your co-anchors again.
- My co-anchor's a woman.
- Please tell me you are.
<i>Robin had always believed
<i>the key to success was intelligence,
hard work and professionalism.
<i>Her new co-anchor
had a different philosophy.
<i>It's the Farhampton Boat Show!
<i>Remember 5th, 6th and 7th
at the Farhampton Civic Center.
<i>Come on down.
You did a commercial?
Why not?
You're a journalist!
Don't you wanna be taken seriously?
No. I'm cute.
Well, if you really think
this is going to help your image.
Boats, boats, boats!
Robin, a little help here?
You gotta not worry so much
about being liked.
Easy for you to say.
Everybody loves you at your job.
<i>That was true of my teaching job.
<i>But I was also designing
the new headquarters
<i>for GNB, and well...
We don't like you!
What do you say to yourself,
tearing down a beautiful, old building
to put up
a stupid bank headquarters?
Boo...
freakin'...
hoo.
Boo freakin' hoo? That's it?
The Arcadian
is an architecturally significant...
Architecturally significant?!
You're very pretty.
Your hair smells great.
Shampoo.
You should try it sometime.
You don't know the first thing
about architecture.
Key, Ted Mosby's car.
Go on.
I'm a professor, okay?
I teach this stuff at one
of the best colleges in the country.
I don't go down to your place
of non-employment and lecture you
about how your little protest
is a misguided waste of time,
except, whoops, I just did.
Ha-burn.
- Good, the eggs are here.
- Well, I should head up.
<i>No, GNB was not popular.
<i>That's why every year they produced
a video to improve the bank's image.
<i>What makes Goliath National Bank
different from other big banks?
<i>Here at GNB, we care.
I care about our precious Earth.
I care about old people.
I care about high-yield
offshore investments.
And so does Tugboat here.
Isn't that right, Tugboat?
Yeah.
Okay, get that camera out of my face
before I flip you
like a cheese omelet.
All you have to do is say,
"I care about
making dreams come true."
First of all, that line
makes me sound like a hooker
and saying it makes me
feel like a hooker.
Everyone is in this video.
Randy's in the video.
I don't want to brag,
but in 29 takes,
I only threw up thrice.
Randy, did you send the Hermanson
contracts downtown?
I did.
I sent them downtown.
Why are you saying it like that? They
never arrived at the downtown office.
They...
To make sure we're on the same page,
is "send them downtown"
not an expression
for shredding a document?
You shredded them?
I sent them downtown.
You know, down into the shredder.
You feed the paper
in a downwards fashion, so that's
where the expression comes from.
That's not an expression!
That has never been an expression!
I can fix this.
I am all over this project.
I'll say this,
there is no quit in that guy.
- You should fire him.
- Okay, that, that right there.
That attitude is exactly why
I won't be in your video.
Because GNB doesn't care.
<i>They hand out pink slips
like they're hors d'oeuvres.
Last week,
I was talking to Arthur...
You're wearing a green tie now.
I'm wearing a green tie.
GNB treats people like
they're disposable,
and I will not be a part of that.
Marshall Eriksen
does not fire people, period.
Just want you to know, we are making
good progress on this new project.
You gentlemen keep talking,
I will answer that.
Marshall Eriksen's office.
Yeah, I can get that for you.
Just a second.
<i>Bank.
The B stands for bank.
Okay, Mother, I'll see you tonight.
Yikes. I'd better get
Mr. Messy a napkin.
Period.
Tell me who you slept with!
I don't want to get into it.
It's someone we know.
If it was some ding dong we didn't know,
you'd just give me his name.
Fine.
It's Bill Pepper.
Bill Pepper.
Kind of a coincidence
there happens to be
a bill and a pepper
shaker here on the table.
Any chance you and Bill had
a three-way with Fork Napkin?
It's someone we know!
I'm assuming you all read the chapters
on the Greek Revival architecture.
Questions?
Yes.
How do you sleep at night?
- What are you doing here?
- It was recently made clear to me
that I don't know the first
thing about architecture, so...
here I am.
Very well.
Let's get started.
Some examples of Greek Revival
architecture...
Is The Arcadian Greek Revival?
What's The Arcadian?
It's just this beautiful,
old building
that Professor Mosby
wants to tear down.
What? No.
Professor Mosby loves old buildings.
He wouldn't do that.
Right, Ted?
Getting back to Greek Revival...
I lost them.
Look, you're new at teaching.
In my kindergarten class, I have had
plenty of troublesome students.
Like Johnny Marley...
He and that little stuffed horsey
raised all kinds of hell.
But I have a simple method for
shutting down troublemakers.
You know that '98 Taurus
that's always parked outside?
The one with the really
annoying alarm?
We're familiar with it.
When a kid like Johnny
acts up in my class...
Shuts them right up.
My students are adults,
and I treat them that way.
I'll give them more candy and make them
a mix CD. Problem solved.
Baby, what's wrong?
Something bad happened.
- Have you seen...
- Before that,
regarding the earlier project
I was working on...
<i>Voilà!
That's the Hermanson contract?
The Hermanson contract?
Oh, man, this is
the Filbert contract.
Damn it!
Anyway, what's your thing?
I need the Filbert contract!
I'll do what I can.
But in my experience, twice
shredded is fairly permanent.
Sorry, Randy,
but this just isn't working out.
Marshall popped his cherry!
Come on, Marshall, you have to admit,
the guy was a disaster.
It reflected badly on the company.
He was an embarrassment.
A huge embarrassment.
You slept with Randy!
What?
It's elementary,
my dear Scherbatson.
<i>Your co-host is getting super-popular
because of her stupid commercial,
<i>So, when you arrived
at the GNB party after we left,
<i>you were feeling vulnerable
<i>and drunk.
<i>Then, from across
the not-so-crowded conference room,
<i>your eyes met.
<i>And as we all remember...
<i>Randy has a unique condition.
Your nose is bleeding like a faucet.
God, this happens every time
I get an erection, I am so sorry.
That's...
exactly what happened.
If getting fired is an execution,
at least the guy had a last meal.
I promise you,
tomorrow you'll feel a lot better.
What's going on?
I just wanted to say,
no hard feelings.
Thank you.
So where are you headed now?
Downtown.
It's okay, baby.
<i>It wasn't okay.
So the next morning...
Arthur,
I'm here because I made a mistake.
I fired Randy yesterday.
That was a mistake.
You should have fired him a year ago.
No, sir,
that is what's wrong with this company.
How can we say "GNB Cares,"
and then turn around
and treat someone like that?
Sure, he made a few mistakes,
but everybody makes mistakes.
Like Tugboat here.
I bet you he's made some mistakes.
And you didn't fire Tugboat,
did you?
No, I got him fixed,
and he calmed down.
Exactly... kind of.
Randy doesn't need to be fired.
He needs to be fixed.
We do some pretty bad things
around here, but I...
Sir, I'm saying
instead of getting rid of someone
when they screw up, we should...
we should help them.
We should nurture them.
I changed the ice pack on his crotch
every hour for three days.
If you want to un-fire Randy,
I support you,
because to come in here
and say what you just said,
you've got a couple things
that Tugboat doesn't.
Prof Rock
is a really good mix, okay?
A piece of New York history
is being torn down,
and all you could say
was "Boo freakin' hoo"?
I may have mentioned our conversation
over a session of hacky sack.
The one day I miss the sack circle,
you guys sub her in?
Why'd you miss?
Too busy tearing down
the Statue of Liberty?
I was returning a hot dog costume
that you all enjoyed.
<i>They were all turning against me,
<i>so I figured, what the hell.
- And, did it work?
- Like gangbusters. We're buddies again.
After class, we hacked a little sack
to the thumpin' strains
of my Prof Rock CD.
And no, none of them
had heard the Pixies B-side.
Actually, none of them
had heard of the Pixies.
Or a B-side.
I know that smile.
Lily, there's no easy way
to say this.
Marshall's dead.
Randy murdered him.
I know why Randy is smiling.
You're smiling because of Robin.
Like how I think about her
when I'm in the shower?
I'm trying to eat.
Because you slept with her
on Halloween.
What? No.
I went home,
had a shower, and went to bed.
- You didn't sleep with her?
- No.
Even in the shower,
the farthest we ever get is hugging.
So why are you smiling?
I'll tell you why.
This just isn't working out.
<i>I'm fired. Great.
<i>This is the candle kiosk
at the mall all over again.
<i>Wait a minute.
<i>I can get a severance check.
<i>If I don't shred it,
<i>I can use that money
to start my own brewery.
<i>Imagine a beer with my name on it.
<i>Randy Wharmpess,
this is the best day of your life.
Thanks to that severance check,
this time next year,
you'll all be enjoying
a frothy mug of Wharmpess.
Randy, great news!
You're not fired!
Good morning, everybody...
Where's my class?
Ha-boom.
I got you your job back, Randy.
You'd be happy?
But I don't belong here.
I'm born to be a brewer!
A hopsmeister!
Then quit.
No one's stopping you.
I can't.
I need my severance check.
Well, I'm sorry Randy,
but that's called fraud.
It's not fraud.
I'm asking you to get me a lot of money
to not work here
and not tell anyone about it.
Even if I wanted to fire you,
after my talk with Arthur...
Come on, Arthur can't remember that.
What a memorable talk
we had yesterday.
On behalf of everyone at GNB,
both in and out of prison, we're sorry.
And I want to assure you
you will never be fired again.
You're going to work here
until you die!
Green tie?
Nice choice.
Thanks. It brings out my eyes.
I'll bring out your eyes.
Listen, Randy, I'm sorry,
but I broke my own moral code once
and I felt evil.
I will not let GNB change me.
I will never fire anyone again ever.
We'll see about that.
Anyhoo, while I got you, big smile.
"We care about making dreams come true",
in three, two...
What?
Are you unhappy with my performance?
Well, I guess I'm fired, then.
I'd better turn in my I.D.
No, it's actually...
nice having some of this clutter
off my desk.
And there's more.
I dunno what I'll use this for,
but it's great.
Now am I fired?
I've been meaning
to clean out that file cabinet for ages.
I'm not even here.
Randy, the coffee.
I've been meaning
to cut back on my caffeine.
Here, try this,
but really go for it.
Remember, this guy ruined your life.
That's just the pick-me-up I needed.
Speaking of that,
can we try the first one again?
It didn't work. They hate me.
How do I get them to like me again?
You don't.
Ted, you're their teacher.
The only people
that like their teachers...
- I like my teachers.
- ... are dorks.
Except for you, Miles.
You just have to learn
to embrace their hatred.
Because behind that hatred
lies fear.
And you can use use that fear,
like I did with Johnny Marley.
Was there more to that?
A little bit.
Tou're a psychopath.
A little bit.
A panda!
<i>I thought about Lily's advice.
<i>And I figured fear was worth a try.
What do you want to say to us?
Anyone not in class tomorrow
gets an "F".
You said that?
Technically, they'd get an incomplete,
but I thought...
"F" had a nice, scary ring to it.
- Who'd you sleep with?
- I told you, Randy.
He was a machine.
Where's the poop?
Fine.
I didn't sleep with anyone.
The thing is,
ever since Becky did that commercial,
everyone at work loves her.
The day after Halloween,
I was in a commercial.
What... Why didn't you tell us?
<i>Bladder trouble, it's embarrassing,
<i>it's uncomfortable,
and it can affect anyone.
I'm going to the bathroom right now.
<i>Neat and discreet adult diapers
for anyone.
Say...
I can't wait to see it.
Hopefully you never will.
They might not even use it.
<i>It ran for seven years.
You win.
Maybe trashing your office
was a mistake.
It's just as long as I can remember,
making beer has been my dream.
Wharmpess?
I know it sounds dumb to someone
who's already achieved his dream...
big-time lawyer
at a huge corporation.
You think working here is my dream?
Of course.
Anyways, I'll clean this stuff up.
Have someone get that dead squirrel
out of your desk.
This is delicious.
You're fired.
<i>Kids, the next morning,
<i>my class
had the highest attendance ever.
<i>And not long after that,
<i>Randy used his severance money
to start a little brewery.
<i>Now you can have a Wharmpess
at every bar in America.
<i>And all because...
I care about making dreams
come true.
You got what you need?
That's a wrap.