How I Met Your Mother - S06E14 - Last Words

<i>Team Who's this fucking mother?
Synchronisation:
Kyros, MiniBen314
Adaptation:
Dark_Chii, H3AV3N, Kenji, tactactac
Relecture:
Va savoir!
6x14 - Last Words (1.00)
.:: www.sous-titres.eu ::.
<i>Kids, when your best friend
loses someone...
My dad's dead?
<i>You drop everything
and rush to his side.
<i>Only to find yourself standing there
with no idea what to do or say.
This is the toughest time
in Marshall's life
and I feel absolutely useless.
What can we do to help?
Don't look at me.
This morning, Marshall said,
"I have to pee." And I said,
"Don't worry, baby, I'll do it for you."
Halfway through the pee, I'm, like,
"This doesn't even make sense!"
Well, I've been to a couple funerals,
so I know my role.
I'm Vice Girl.
Whatever Marshall needs to get
through this day, I got it right here.
Cigarettes, alcohol...
Are these firecrackers?
My God, Robin, you somehow
crammed Tijuana into a purse.
Be cool, nerds!
Marshall's mom hasn't eaten, slept
or sat down since we got here.
Wait!
That can be my role!
I'll take care of Judy!
But doesn't Marshall's mom hate you...
The fact that you two aren't very close?
Sweet save.
Judy and I aren't besties,
but today, whatever she needs,
I'm there.
I'm on Judy duty.
- "Judy duty."
- She said "doody."
Really, guys? At a funeral?
Well, not all of us possess
your lofty sense of decorum,
Drug-Dealer-From
An-'80s-After-School-Special,
- we have to laugh today. It's healthy.
- Wait a minute!
Today,
- we are gonna make Marshall laugh.
- How?
What's the one thing
that always cracks him up?
Internet footage
of a guy getting hit in the nuts.
Exactly!
So we are gonna get our bro
a four-star nad rattler.
You search knees, feet, banisters,
fire hydrants and diving boards,
and I'll cover bats, rackets, hockey
sticks, golf clubs and riding crops.
What about animals?
Claws, paws, talons,
hooves, beaks and clenched monkey fists.
We can do this!
Guys, sorry...
I left my charger back in New York,
- so my phone's out of juice.
- Outlet or USB?
Outlet. Thank you.
You really do have
everything in there, don't you?
You're like Mary Poppins,
if her purse was filled with drugs.
"If"?
The kids in that movie
jumped into a painting
and spent 15 minutes
chasing a cartoon fox.
"Spoonful of sugar..."?
Grow up.
- I'm so sorry for your loss, Judy.
- Thank you, Reverend.
We're so happy that you're going
to lead the services today.
Unfortunately, I can't.
My daughter in Chicago
just went into labor.
But I'm leaving you in the capable hands
of my second-in-command:
- my son.
- Your son?
You remember Trey.
I'll go grab him.
Guys...
Trey Platt
terrorized me growing up.
He was the toughest bully in school.
'Sup Marshall.
Long time.
I was not aware
that you had become a reverend.
Yeah, well, your lunch
money finally ran out.
Kidding!
You could use a laugh.
This video is entitled, "Little League
Coach Gets Hit in the Nuts
by a Foul Ball and
Then Vomits in a Garbage Can."
I don't wanna give anything away.
Let's just watch.
- See? 'Cause, 'cause he got hit...
- ... right in the nuts,
The fat kid just keeps run away.
I can't believe my father's
funeral service is being led by
Trey "The Noogie Machine" Platt.
That guy gave you noogies?
What, did he carry a stepladder?
He made me carry it.
So, my dad has these questions
to help create
a theme for the service,
or whatever.
Question 1,
"What were your last
words with the deceased?"
Lame.
- Question 2...
- Wait...
My last words with Marvin
were lovely.
I've been thinking about them a lot.
Me, too.
We went for a hike in the snow
and had this amazing talk.
My last day with Pop,
he taught my son how to skate.
This is clearly yielding nothing.
Thanks, Dad. Guess I'll have
to fill the time with some jokes...
again.
"Last words"
seems like a good theme.
Marshall, do you remember
the last thing your father said to you?
- Bye, sweetie.
- Bye, Mom.
Son,
there's something
I wanna say before I leave.
Could I snag that extra pork chop
for the flight?
I was gonna make
a sandwich with that, Dad.
Don't they have food on the plane?
Yeah, but plane food is ass.
"Plane food is ass."
Those are the last words
my father will ever say to me.
Right after
I denied the man a pork chop.
Wait!
I'm wrong!
I'm wrong! That wasn't it!
They couldn't find a cab...
<i>So my dad called up from the street.
Looks like rain out here!
I couldn't find an umbrella
in your closet!
You know
who probably has an umbrella?
<i>And then, well,
<i>see, my dad grew up in a small town,
in another generation,
<i>so sometimes,
totally well-meaningly,
<i>he'd say stuff like...
The Koreans across the hall!
The Koreans are a trustworthy
and generous people!
I betcha one of the Koreans
has an umbrella!
Heck, they're Koreans!
My dad's last words to me
were a string of...
odd racial stereotypes.
All that stuff was really nice!
It's positive racism!
This is worse than the pork chop.
This next clip is entitled,
"Guy Playing Bagpipes Gets Hit
in the Nuts by Low-Flying Seagull"
Let's see what happens.
Here he comes...
- 'Cause he gets hit...
- Right in the nuts.
And then the fat kid
loses his swim shorts.
- Shorts just fall right off.
- No, wait.
I'm wrong.
That wasn't it.
They couldn't find a cab,
so I went down there.
You were right. The Kangs did,
in fact, have an umbrella.
- Of course they did.
- Bye, sweetie.
Hey, son...
I just wanna leave you
with a little advice.
<i>Rent Crocodile Dundee III.
I caught it on the cable last night.
It totally holds up!
<i>Crocodile Dundee III
is the second-best of the Croc trilogy,
so maybe I can live with that.
Sorry, my phone's charged.
I hear you're a woman
who can get things.
I've been known to locate
certain objects from time to time.
I need vodka
and dirty playing cards.
I got ya.
What is it?
I have a voice mail from my dad.
You have a voice mail from your dad?
How?
My phone's been out of juice,
so he must've called me
the day the he...
Baby, are you okay?
I hold in my hand
the last words
my father will ever say to me.
I'm gonna hit play.
What's wrong?
<i>What if it's worse
than Crocodile Dundee III?
I can't do this. I can't...
My mom is about to collapse...
Wait... No, baby...
Baby, I got it. Let me.
You should listen to it.
Just don't put too much pressure on it.
She's right.
I mean, this idea that
someone's last words have
to be profound and meaningful?
I mean, who can live up to that?
Exactly.
All those "famous last word"" people
supposedly said? They're all made up.
Like that patriotic dude,
Nathan Hale,
from third-grade history?
My I only regret...
is I have
but one life to lose for my country.
You know
what his real last words were?
I'm peeing my pants!
True story.
The point is,
last words are overrated.
Look, think of it this way:
you get to hear your dad's voice
one last time.
I should go listen to this...
alone, okay? I'll be back.
- So, I heard you might have...
- You heard right.
I'm getting a reputation.
So, what you need, mama?
Come here.
Guys, listen to what just happened.
Judy, do you need a break?
I'm happy to cook for a while.
You think your snobby
New York cooking is
better than mine... admit it!
Go ahead, Lily,
why don't you just whip up a batch
of your fancy tofu sushi bagels!
And choke on them!
- Are you okay?
- Listen!
I'm gonna go take a nap.
Judy's finally sleeping
and it's all because of me!
Guys, I have a role.
I'm Judy's bitch! Yeah!
This day is tough on you, too.
You sure you can absorb all that?
Robin gave me a little pill
from her purse.
I don't know what is it, but things are
flowing pretty smooth right now.
Stay hydrated.
So?
I couldn't listen to it.
Guys, this is hard.
We know, baby.
But you'll always wonder,
if you don't.
Your dad loved you.
It almost doesn't matter
what he said.
It doesn't.
Guys, what if God forbid...
all of your dads died right now?
What would their last words
to you have been?
Seriously.
I know mine.
When I was in Cleveland last month,
I went to visit my dad at his...
post-divorce bachelor pad.
Been fun bro-ing out
with you tonight, T-Dawg.
So glad we can talk
about our sex lives now.
That's totally an improvement.
I hooked up with a younger woman
the other week...
Donna Bromstead.
My prom date?
How far did you get, T-Dawg?
I have to go.
How would you like those
to be your father's last words?
They might be.
Donna Bromstead's husband is a cop.
Lawyered.
<i>Lily, it's Dad.
<i>Listen, I'm sort of in jail
<i>for not paying taxes
for the last 25 years.
<i>But bright side, I thought
of a great new board game.
<i>"Tax Evasion", ages six to ten.
<i>Which is, ironically,
what I might be looking at.
<i>Anyway, Pumpkin, I need $15,000.
Fooled ya.
Leave a message after the beep.
We'll get back to ya.
Lawyered.
And so, despite the endless
disappointment you've caused me,
<i>I pray
that this will finally be the year
you achieve something
of actual significance.
I'd love to stop lying to my friends
about you being in a coma.
Anyway, the point is,
happy birthday, RJ.
That's awful.
No, here's the awful part.
You remembered my birthday!
Lawyered.
Now can we all just admit
that last words are,
in fact, a big deal?
Man, I always thought I had it rough
not really knowing my dad, but...
now I realize at least
I'll never have to suffer like this.
Our next video is called
"German Shepherd
Activates Tennis Ball Cannon
While Fat Kid Sips Energy Drink."
Please, Barney!
No more videos.
I just need a minute.
Who is responsible for this?
Who got Cousin Daphne drunk?
She is 15 years old.
They grow big out here.
Here's your phone number back.
- Judy, I...
- I did it.
What possible excuse
could you have for this?
I'm from New York.
We think getting
minors drunk is funny.
There's nothing funny about
getting minors drunk!
You should be ashamed, Lily!
Ashamed!
Oh, cripes, that's tasty.
That salad's the first food
she's eaten in two days.
Sure, it's mostly cheese, mayonnaise
and jelly beans, but it counts.
At least someone's helping.
We haven't made Marshall laugh once.
Showing videos of guys
getting hit in the nuts
wasn't going to do anything.
- I'm just stupid.
- Stupid.
What we need to do is
hit each other in the nuts.
Nothing beats
the immediacy of live theater.
But which one of us is
going to take the hit?
So that's it?
No discussion?
I'm not going to listen.
<i>"Rent Crocodile Dundee III"
are the last words
that my father will ever say to me,
and I think I can live with that.
Is he laughing?
<i>And Marshall really did think
he could live with that.
<i>That is, until later,
<i>at the memorial service.
My last talk with Marvin
was so lovely.
<i>The stories his mother and brothers
told were so perfect.
Then he picked my crying son up
off the ice.
He gave him a hug and said,
"Champ, it doesn't matter
if you fall down once in a while."
And as we hiked,
a little deer appeared on the path.
She hopped over to Dad
and started eating...
right out of his hand.
And then he kissed me and he said...
"I will always be proud of you"
"Life is such a gift."
"You know something, gorgeous,
I'm the luckiest man alive."
Lame.
These stories suck.
<i>Doesn't hold a candle to
your Crocodile Dundee thing.
You're up next, baby.
I just need some air.
Are you okay?
I have to listen to it.
It's a pocket dial.
It's nothing.
So...
it's a pocket dial.
You have so many great memories
with your dad.
Who cares about the last one?
- She's right.
- Your dad was hilarious.
You guys don't get it, okay?
None of you do.
My dad was my hero.
And he was my teacher.
And he was my best friend.
He always came through for me.
And now he's just gone.
And what am I left with?
Thanks a lot, God!
Thank you!
You took my father...
the greatest man
that I have ever known
and you ripped him off this Earth,
way too young!
And he'll never get to
meet our kids, Lily.
But we got this voice mail.
Thank you so much
for the voice mail!
It's a great comfort!
Because whenever I'm starting
to feel lonely or sad,
or you know what,
or maybe a little bit cheated,
at least I got the sound of his pocket
to console me.
How is this fair?
You know, like, an entire human life
and it just ends
for no reason, and...
what are we left with?
<i>Looks like I've been calling
you for almost five minutes.
<i>How's my pocket sound?
<i>Sorry about that, buddy.
<i>Anyway, your mom and I had
such a great time seeing you.
<i>I love you.
Looks like your dad came through
one last time.
"I love you."
My father's last words
to me are "I love you."
And let me know
if you find my foot cream.
That fungus thing
is acting up again.
"I love you."
My father's last words
to me are "I love you".
- We heard it.
- Loud and clear.
Bye, Pop.
<i>So Marshall finally got up to speak.
<i>Funny thing, though...
Then my father said the last words
that he'll ever say to me...
<i>"Rent Crocodile Dundee III.
"I caught it on the cable last night
and it totally holds up."
<i>He decided to keep Marvin's
real last words just for himself.
Thanks.
For what?
I know what you've been doing today.
And I really needed it.
Any time.
That dress makes you look
like a Kansas City whore.
Sorry, dear. Last one.
Oh, man.
<i>I should have rented
Crocodile Dundee III.
Okay, seriously,
how are you doing that?
I'll be right back.
If I don't come back,
then these are my last words
to you all.
I really, really,
really love you guys.
Now I'm going to go drop a deuce.
<i>Last words,
it's a lot of pressure, kids.
<i>It gets you thinking.
Hi, Dad.
Hi, Dad.
Hi, Dad.
Hey, Mom.
I'm ready to meet my dad.