How I Met Your Mother: How I Met Your Mother - S06E23

NARRATOR:
Kids, this is a story of landmarks.
There are certain moments in
life when you have to decide
which things you can stand
to see torn down,
and which things you have
to preserve, no matter what.
Such a moment came
for all of us
in May of 2011,
at a special meeting of the
New York City Landmarks
Preservation Commission,
where the fate of The Arcadian
would be decided
once and for all.
A symbol of strength
and constancy,
the stone lion of The Arcadian
has watched over
New Yorkers for generations.
So remember:
if the lion head stonework
is regal,
then tearing it down
should be illegal.
(cheering)
MARSHALL: Well...
Did you like that?
All right, uh...
We must make sure
the lion is always there.
Destroy The Arcadian?
Oh, no, don't you dare.
Yeah? Yeah? Okay.
Try this one on for size...
If you want New York's history
at your beck and call...
All right, thank you,
Mr. Eriksen.
I just have...
MODERATOR:
We will now hear from the architect
of the proposed GNB Tower,
Ted Mosby.
(audience cheering)
MODERATOR: Now, uh,
Mr. Mosby, let's just
cut right to the chase.
Do you think The Arcadian
should be a landmark?
(intense music starts
and swells)
(music cuts off)
Okay, it's killing me. What
rhymes with "beck and call?"
Wrecking ball.
Don't go swinging
no wrecking ball.
AUDIENCE:
Ah...
Thank you.
? How I Met Your Mother 6x23 ?
Landmarks
Original Air Date on May 9, 2011
== ReSync by jacobian ==
== for 720p Web-DL @hdbits.org ==
Mr. Mosby,
do you think The Arcadian
should be a landmark?
It's not a difficult question.
NARRATOR: Actually, it was
a difficult question.
Of course, had he asked me
a few days earlier,
I would have
immediately said...
"Yes. The Arcadian
should be a landmark."
And then the crowd
gasps: "Oh, my God!
"Did he really
just say that?
"Oh, heavens!
"Oh, my stars!
I must clutch
my pearls!"
So these things are generally
attended by old Southern ladies?
Almost exclusively.
But here's my point:
If they ask GNB's chief
architect-- aka me--
if The Arcadian should be a
landmark, and I say "yes"?
(mimes building blowing up)
That, no, that wasn't The
Arcadian being destroyed;
that was GNB's hopes of
destroying The Arcadian.
I'm sorry, I should
have been more clear.
Yeah.
The Arcadian's gonna
be all like...
Nice.
(chuckles)
I have a message from Barney.
NARRATOR:
Things between Barney
and the rest of us
had gotten a little frosty.
First this happened.
Meet the new lawyer I hired
to help save The Arcadian.
And then this happened.
What kind of dirtbag
doesn't stand by his best
friends, but instead,
sides with some
self-righteous bitch
with a pointless cause
and a megaphone?!
TED: Dude!
That's my girlfriend.
And ya know what?
I'm on her side now, too.
NARRATOR:
Which led to this happening.
Message from Barney?
That's my cue to leave.
Good night, guys.
- I love you.
- Mmm. Love you, too.
Good night.
Good night.
All right,
what's the message?
'Cause if it's another
hypothetical
yet eerily accurate
drawing of my boobs...
Yeah, I have that, too.
Damn it.
All right, here's the message.
(clears throat)
"Oh, hey, guys.
Didn't see you there.
"I was too busy
feelin' fine and..."
Really?
(sighs) "Feelin' fine
and gettin' some 'jine."
ROBIN: "You may have
noticed the giant plate
"of hot wings in front of me.
"I know how much
you love hot wings.
"Too bad someone
bribed the kitchen
"to take them
off the menu tonight.
"So, if you want some,
"you're going to have
to come back to GNB.
"But hurry, this offer
will be gone lickety-split."
"Do evil laugh."
Oh, um...
(meek impression of Barney's laugh)
(silent laugh)
So, what are you turds up to?
Oh, we've got the big
LPC meeting in two days.
I have my whole
presentation worked out.
I just need to find a
good rhyme to end on.
Why does it need to rhyme?
Mm.
If you end an argument
with a rhyme,
it's convincing all the time.
- Yeah.
It's why in
our apartment:
If you're a-hopin'
to score,
don't leave your socks
on the floor.
And she hasn't since.
No.
Okay, okay.
A couple of things.
Lily, how'd I do?
Nailed it.
(dry chuckle)
Secondly, Ted,
I'm sorry I said
mean things about Zoey.
Are you really going to walk
away from this project
just because you're mad at me?
It's not because
I'm mad at you.
Barney, The Arcadian
was designed
by a guy named
John Clifford Larrabee.
And even though he's been dead
for half a century,
it's my duty,
architect to architect,
to keep his work alive.
Please tell me a little
part of you understands.
I understand.
Zoey has magic lady bits.
What?
Zoey's lady bits...
are magic, and that's
how she controls your mind.
You see,
every few hundred millennia,
lady bits leap forward...
I know
you're only just
getting started,
but this is
already gross.
I once knew such a girl.
BARNEY:
It was last call.
In this very bar.
What...?!
No...
What?!
No...
What?!
Um...
thank you for, um, not using
a first name in that story.
Barney, this is
about the building.
Come on. This is so
about the girl.
Okay, fine.
It's about the girl!
I am doing this for Zoey!
I'm in love with her.
Look, I know it's early,
but there's a very good chance
Zoey might be the mother
of my children.
So, in addition to doing this
for John Clifford Larrabee,
I'm also doing this
for Luke and Leia.
Wait. She's gonna let you
name your kids Luke and Leia?
Not if I knock down her favorite
building, she isn't.
Barney, I'm sorry.
Oh, you're not sorry now,
Ted Mosby.
But you will be.
You... will... be.
(evil laugh)
(laughing harder and louder)
That's how you do an evil laugh.
Ciao for now.
NARRATOR:
Now, kids, you remember Arthur Hobbs,
Barney and Marshall's
old boss at GNB?
Well, Arthur was going through
a divorce and taking it
kind of hard.
Hi, Arthur.
(sighs)
Everything okay?
No, everything's not okay.
My stupid wife got
custody of Tugboat.
God, I should have
kept her hidden
in a cage in the basement.
Isn't that animal cruelty?
I'm talking about my wife.
Oh. That's fine, then.
So listen, you know Ted,
the architect?
Yeah, I know your friend Ted.
So,
if Ted stood up at
that big meeting tomorrow
and said that he thought The
Arcadian should be a landmark...
you wouldn't just fire him,
would you?
(laughs uncomfortably):
Right?
You wouldn't just...
You wouldn't just... yeah...
No, Barney.
I wouldn't just fire him.
I'd also fire you.
Come again for Big Fudge?
Can you believe that?!
I can't be unemployed, Robin!
My job is my identity;
It's who I am.
It gives me
the confidence I need
to convince girls
I'm a fighter pilot.
I-I don't understand.
Why would he fire you?
I don't understand.
Why would you fire me?
Have you already forgotten
how Mosby got that job?
By being
the best architect available?
No.
By... being Latino?
No. Let me refresh your memory.
We were in this very room.
Guys, I'm telling you,
if Ted Mosby isn't fantastic,
fire me.
Damn it!
I was kidding?
I'm not kidding!
Oh, by the way, Arthur,
uh, how are things
with you and your wife?
Really good.
In fact, I just put
all my assets in her name.
Smartest thing I've ever done.
BOTH: Damn it!
No,
you'd better make sure Mosby
doesn't screw up tomorrow.
Because either
that building is going down,
or you're going down.
TED:
They're going
to fire him? That sucks.
He loves that job.
And he's been doing it
for years.
Okay, what does Barney
do at GNB?
No idea.
He has a lot of keys.
Okay, Ted, can you just please
think about this before you...
There's nothing to think about.
I-I can't lose Zoey.
That's the only thing
that matters to me right now.
Okay, Ted...
you know I love Zoey.
But, look, sometimes...
I go play chess in the park.
And the key to chess...
Okay, I play online.
But the key to chess...
Okay, it's Angry Birds!
But the key to Angry Birds
is to always try to see
every possible outcome.
And to... hit some pigs
with rocks or something.
I don't know; I don't play.
I can't get it to download.
The point is,
this thing with you and Zoey?
I can see it going
three possible ways.
There's the first scenario.
ROBIN:
The chairman asks you...
Do you think The Arcadian
should be a landmark?
You say...
No.
And Zoey dumps you on the spot.
We're done here.
There's the second scenario.
ROBIN:
The chairman asks you...
Do you think The Arcadian
should be a landmark?
You say...
Yes
And you're happy
for, like, a second,
until you realize the building
you helped save
has just become a monument
to everything
this woman made you give up,
and you resent her for it,
so much so, in fact,
that you dump her.
We're done here.
You said there was
a third scenario.
Right.
ROBIN:
The chairman asks you...
Do you think The Arcadian
should be a landmark?
But before you can answer...
You're hit in the neck with
a blow dart fired by the ninja
Zoey's ex-husband hired
to assassinate you.
That one's less likely.
What I'm saying...
what I hate saying...
is this.
You and Zoey are gonna break up.
But you can still
save your career
and Barney's.
Okay, first of all,
no ninja's getting a jump on me.
I have the reflexes
of a jungle...
Tree?
Second of all,
I don't care that the odds
are stacked against us.
I'd rather try
to make this work with Zoey
than spend the rest of my life
alone playing Angry Birds,
which, by the way, I've shown
you how to download,
like, 20 times.
I've got to say,
I'm with Ted on this.
Thank you.
I mean, yes,
this is a huge,
divisive issue for them.
Which means
no matter what happens,
there's gonna be
a lot of resentment.
Probably lasting
for years...
infecting every single moment of
the rest of their relationship.
So, in conclusion,
I'm with Robin on this.
Thank you.
NARRATOR:
That night,
as I slept soundly...
(gasps)
(panting)
Barney, what are you doing?
Who is this Barney?
My name is
John Clifford Larrabee,
architect of The Arcadian.
And I am
visiting you
(ghostly moaning):
in a dream...
Really? 'Cause it feels
more like my insane friend
renting a costume
and breaking into my apartment
in the middle of the night
for what I wish
I could say was the first time.
Look, it's a dream, it is.
So just... okay?
Theodore...
heed my words:
do not try to save
The Arcadian.
Barney, there's condoms
in the drawer.
Just take them and get out.
(shouting dramatically):
I am not
(ghostly moaning):
Barney...
Whoa! Lighting change!
Theodore, you know The Arcadian
is a badly built,
architecturally unimportant
rat's nest
designed by an overpaid,
plagiarizing ether addict
with two thumbs.
This guy.
Okay, yes,
it's-it's a terrible building,
but... does that mean
we have to knock it down?
I mean, it's
not bothering anyone.
Just anyone who lives in it.
Or looks at it.
Or smells it.
New York is never finished,
Theodore.
She's a lady
only a handful of architects
ever get to dance with.
Do not miss
your turn.
The Arcadian has to go,
doesn't it?
Indeed.
You realize this kind of
screws up my personal life.
Mo' buildings, mo' problems.
This is a dream, right?
Because, Barney, I swear to God,
if that's you...
(groans softly)
(snaps fingers)
Mommy's got
Magic Lady Bits, Ted.
(panting):
Dream! Dream!
It was just a dream.
(panting)
(groans, gasping)
(exhales)
? ?
Hey. I know it's late,
but, uh...
you want to meet up?
ZOEY:
Hello, Mr. Lion.
TED:
"Look on my works,
ye mighty, and despair""
Hey, I met you right...
(laughs)
...here.
Right. And I mistook you
for a prostitute right...
here.
As far as you know,
I still could be one.
Ah.
And you,
my good man, have
run up quite a tab.
Worth every penny.
(sighs): All right...
this was fun.
I'm gonna take this cab.
Big day tomorrow.
We need to get some sleep.
And yet...
No, we should get some sleep.
But this was fun.
Yeah.
It's nice getting one last look
to remember what
we're trying to save.
Exactly.
You okay?
Yeah. Good night.
HORVATH: Mr. Mosby, I'm going
to ask you one last time.
Should The Arcadian
be a landmark?
No, it shouldn't be a landmark.
(audience gasps)
There are a lot
of important buildings
in New York.
The Arcadian isn't one of them.
E-Excuse me,
I have a question for Mr. Mosby.
If he doesn't think
The Arcadian's worth saving,
then whose voice is this?
TED (on recorder):
The Arcadian should be a landmark.
It should.
The lion head stonework
is iconic.
I hate working for GNB.
They're a bunch of...
wieners and gonads.
(all gasp)
Oh, heavens!
My stars!
Is that your voice, Mr. Mosby?
Yeah, that's me.
This is a nightmare.
I can't believe
she kept that tape.
The LPC's gonna
come back with a decision
tomorrow,
and based on today...
They're gonna landmark
the hell out of that place.
Yeah. We'll end up
out of a job,
all thanks to some stupid,
only sort of awesome lion head.
Better get used
to that lion head.
As of tomorrow, it's gonna be
there till the end of times.
And all because
of my sweet, sweet rhymes.
What are we gonna do?
We should buy a bar.
BARNEY: We should totally buy a bar!
We should absolutely
totally buy a bar!
It's really the only
sensible idea right now.
MARSHALL:
Oh, oh, and ready?
It's a theme bar.
TED:
Mm!
It's a courtroom.
Yes!
Ah!
Where the bartenders
wear sexy judges' robes.
I'll allow it!
The only court where you
show up, then get served.
Ho!
You're judged by a jury
of your beers.
That's not bad.
Just stop it!
No one's buying a bar.
Right now we have
a little problem.
Let's just think
of a solution.
Lily, it's over.
The good guys lost.
I don't know, homegirl
is pretty diabolical.
If there is a plan
that'll get us out of this,
it's somewhere
inside this butter churn.
She'll think of it.
I'm just gonna sit here...
and watch it happen.
And she's got it!
Lily, what's the plan?
(groans)
Oh, this ought to be good.
And then Lily told us her plan.
Oh, this is good!
We have to find
Arthur right now.
(shudders)
What is so difficult
about this?!
Tugboat figured this out
in, like, five minutes.
This is bush league!
BARNEY:
Hey, Arthur!
Oh, cute dog!
No! Tugboat, my other dog,
that was a cute dog.
This little disappointment is
nothing but a cheap facsimile.
I said it!
Yeah, my love is
reserved for dogs
that go to the bathroom
on command
instead of wasting my time!
BARNEY:
Listen, Arthur, Marshall's wife
has an idea for how we can
save not saving The Arcadian.
Oh, his wife has an idea.
Let me tell you
about wives, okay?
They leave you and take
your best friend with them.
You're not Tugboat!
You'll never be Tugboat!
(stammers, pants):
Uh...
Hey, Arthur?
I guess this one's
kind of cute or whatever.
So... so what's the idea?
Okay, first hear
my demands. One,
Ted and Barney
keep their jobs.
Two, when you guys do finally
blow up The Arcadian,
one of them gets
to push the button.
Dibs.
Dibs.
Fine! What's the idea?
Well...
Kids, for legal reasons,
I have to skip
this part of the story
and jump ahead
to the next night,
as the Landmarks
Preservation Commission
gave their verdict.
Last night,
this committee took a vote,
and while we have all felt
from the very beginning that
The Arcadian is,
(chuckles):
well, an eyesore...
Mr. Mosby's surprising testimony
about the lion's head
stonework
left us no choice
but to declare it...
a landmark.
(gavel pounding)
But then, something else
happened last night.
That same lion's head
stonework...
(electric tool whirring)
...disappeared.
(audience gasps)
So...
that makes our job
a little easier.
Motion denied.
(gavel pounds)
(preservationists groan,
GNB people applaud and cheer)
Zoey...
Zoey!
All right, what do you have
to say for yourself?
(sighs)
I don't know.
Sometimes... things
have to fall apart
to make way for better things.
We're done here.

How I Met Your Mother

10/20/2011

How I Met Your Mother - S06E23 - Landmarks

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